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We had a lot of fun yesterday (not that much fun) telling you all the ways Indiana Governor Mike Pence is a deeply stupid man on top of being a bit of a dick. We did this for a reason, and that reason was that the New York Times and CNN and NPR and the Indy Star were all confirming that Pence was not only Donald Trump's choice for vice president, but is so dumb that he even said yes.


Some among us -- me -- did not believe it for a second. We've watched "The Apprentice," and we know how Donald Trump works. That man isn't going to let his big reveal get scooped by a bunch of nerds who hold their little dinosaur arms up at chest level, because of how they are hilariously disabled.

Where were we? Donald Trump is a deeply offensive man? True, but we were talking about "The Apprentice" and Donald Trump's veep pick.

After the NYT story broke, and everybody else started scrambling, the minority reports came in. Reporter after reporter -- like the pretty dialed Robert Costa -- started saying their reporting was showing Trump was still undecided, because he is a very mercurial man. (Costa's reporting is now backing Pence as the pick -- but with a hell of a lot more caveats than we got from the New York Times.) Campaign manager guy Paul Manafort wanted Pence. Donald Trump Jr. was leaning Gingrich. Fickle and capricious Donald Sr. obviously had no idea who he wanted at all. Your editrix wants Newtvanka Palingrich.

And then there was a (probably terrorist) attack in Nice. Problem solved! Donald Trump would not announce his pick Friday at 11 a.m.; he would put it off until an unknown time.

This creates a problem for Mike Pence, who has to refile for Indiana governor by noon today. Maybe it's still he! Maybe Trump's not about to fuck him out of his (attempt at) reelection at all! And maybe Donald Trump doesn't give a rat's ass about someone else's reelection deadlines, and he'll have Pence drop his reelection bid and then go "whoops it was not you this whole time, not-sorry face."

Not worried. Also not sorry.

Did you really think you were going to find out who was you're hired before another commercial break?

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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