Donald Trump Demands Iowans Love Him Again, Or They're All Fired

All I want is to be loved...and President of the United States. Is that so wrong?

Donald Trump is really not handling this whole "being in second place" thing well at all. He's trying to undermine Ben Carson's evangelical support by suggesting Carson's church is a crazy cult -- Donald doesn't know for sure, but shouldn't somebody look into that? And now he's just cold begging Iowans to pick him first, please, because second place is the loneliest place of all.

[contextly_sidebar id="IfJcoRKRO02yMlHmQVylOdvZryTBY4wP"]In a perfectly pathetic bit of half-joking/half-serious faux humility, Trump told a Sioux City crowd Tuesday that he hasn't given up on Iowa -- yet, anyway:

He said he had rejected the “political geniuses” advising him to cut his losses in a state whose large evangelical bloc, along with female voters, have been moving to Ben Carson, the retired neurosurgeon.

“I’m sticking with you people,’’ Mr. Trump told a crowd of more than 1,500, vowing to spend “millions” and return often.

“I love you all,’’ he said. “I mean -- you laugh -- but I love you all. I’m going to stay here. We’re going to work really hard.’’

But!

“Now if I lose Iowa,’’ he ended his speech, “I will never speak to you people again.’’

It was a definite change from his dismissive assertion earlier in the day that while polls are great when they show him in the lead, the ones showing Ben Carson leading in Iowa and nationally are simply "not very scientific."

Not that Trump is desperate or anything. Except that during the same speech, he let Iowans know they are really, really disappointing him, and they wouldn't like him when he's disappointed:

Iowa, will you get your numbers up, please? ... I promise you, I will do such a good job [...]

I refuse to say get your asses in gear. I refuse to say it! ... So will you please do me a favor and work with my people and go out on Feb. 1 and vote? And if I win Iowa, we're going to run the whole table.

Not that he's rattled or anything. Trump simply wants to remind Iowans that they really owe him for being such a terrific guy, and they'd better return to the top of the polls pretty soon -- in time for Wednesday's debate would be great -- or else he might have to bill those kids for their helicopter rides at the state fair. Do you people have any idea what jet fuel costs?

Also, too, there is no truth whatsoever to the rumor we would like to start right now that Trump will be switching his campaign music. He's been taking the stage to the tune of Twisted Sister's anthem for sullen, defiant high-school students (as long as they're white ), "We're not Gonna Take It," but the new theme song obviously has to be by the Temptations:

[ NYT / TPM / Des Moines Register ]