Donald Trump Doesn't Care Where You Pee, As Long As Your Stream Is TREMENDOUS
Correct about a thing.
You guys, Donald Trump, crazy wild-haired circus elephant currently on track to receive the Republican presidential nomination, is correct about a thing. WHOA IF TRUE. And it is true! He told the "Today" show man Matt Lauer that North Carolina's trans-hating bathroom bill is YOOGELY stupid, and he isn't even worried that gross dudes are going to put on sundresses so they can molest YOUR WIVES AND DAUGHTERS in the bathroom.
What gives? Is Trump just a stinkin' New York Values liberal after all? Sounds kinda like it!
Leave it the way it is right now. There have been very few problems ... with all the business that's leaving and all of the strife, and that's on both sides. You leave it the way it is. There have been very few complaints. People go, they use the bathroom that they feel is appropriate. There has been so little trouble, and the problem with what happened in North Carolina is the strife, and the economic punishment that they're taking.
[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/600380/aryan-bigot-twins-wish-gay-agenda-would-stop-having-sex-with-them"></a>[/wonkbar]It's weird to say it, but he's right! The only problems reported have been sad pathetic wingnuts like that Duck Dynasty guy and the Aryan bigot Benham twins getting super pee-shy when they go to the potty, because they're scared a transgender will see them and laugh at their winkies. Trump is also right that the economic punishment North Carolina is taking, because its Republican Gov. Pat McCrory is a terrifically stupid man, is breathtaking. It's also hilarious, if you are a mean liberal like us.
Next question from the "Today" folks is does Trump have any trans-tastic people working for him?
I don't know. I really don't know, I probably do.
OK! And what if a famous trans person like Caitlyn Jenner ran in off the street in high heels, directly into Trump Tower, doing that awkward "Please Jesus let me make it to the bathroom!" poopy shuffle, is Trump saying it would be OK for her to use whatever bathroom she wants?
That is correct.
Trump also added that "There's a big move to create new bathrooms ... for transgender," like special gender-neutral ones, and he says that "would be discriminatory in a certain way" and that it would be "unbelievably expensive." Bad for business, bad for America, Trump would fire you for doing that if you were on "The Apprentice"!
So this is great. Donald Trump is going to Make Transgender Bathrooms Great Again, because it's on his hat. OK that is not on his hat yet, but it could be!
[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/600601/ted-cruz-knows-dildos-are-slippery-slope-to-banging-your-sister"></a>[/wonkbar]But this means that, in the entire presidential race, the only candidate who cares where people take a leak or what kind of naughty bits they're concealing in their overalls, or moreover supports the North Carolina law, is Ted Cruz. This is unsurprising because Ted Cruz is a pervy creep who once fought long and hard to keep dildos out of Texan shame caves.
[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/600540/moderate-john-kasich-wishes-gays-and-gay-bashers-would-just-be-sweet-to-each-other"></a>[/wonkbar]John Kasich would not have signed a dumbass transgender bathroom bill. Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders are old liberals who support LGBT equality, so they obviously ain't give no fucks.
[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/598495/donald-trump-thinks-gays-are-just-terrific-unless-he-doesnt-who-even-knows"></a>[/wonkbar]Now, will Donald Trump change his mind on this? OH PROBABLY. Next time he's playing tickle monster in the sauna with Franklin Graham or some other religious right advisor, he'll probably come out with a brand new trans-hatin' statement, to appease whatever wingnut audience he's talking to. He's done the very same thing on gay rights, so it's to be expected at this point.
But for now, trans people, take heart. Donald Trump thinks you are tremendous and terrific and he doesn't want to build a border wall around you or deport you even a little bit, unless you're also a Mexi-Muslim, in which case fuck you.
Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.
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