The Only Thing Donald Trump Will Recycle Is This Hilarious Bit About Newfangled Hairspray
Donald Trump, the presumptive Republican nominee for president of the United States, does not care for environmental regulations. Particularly environmental regulations that affect his hair.
At a campaign stop in West Virginia on Thursday, Trump donned a coal miner's hat, did a little coal minin' pantomime, and then asked the audience how his hair looked. Which is, of course, a thing the people are very concerned about. He then did a bit about how he does not much care for the newfangled hairspray they've got going on these days.
"You know, you're not allowed to use hair spray any more because it affects the ozone — you know that, right? I said you mean to tell me -- cause you know hair spray is not like it used to be. It used to be real good. ... In the old days, when you put on the hair spray on, it was good. Today you put the hair spray on, it's good for 12 minutes, right? ... So I said, 'If I take hairspray, and I spray it in my apartment — which is all sealed — and you're telling me that affects the ozone layer? Yes. I say, no way, folks. NO WAY."
Which is exactly the same as this bit he did about how he does not much care for the newfangled hairspray they've got going on these days back in December.
Clearly, he thinks it is a very good bit, and funny too. It is strange, however, that he is complaining that there are no aerosol cans anymore, when CHI Helmet Head, the hairspray he is rumored to use ... IS IN FACT AN AEROSOL SPRAY.
The only problem, of course, is that CFCs were banned in the US back during the Reagan administration. And CFCs didn't have anything to do with how well the hairspray held, they just made it aerosol-y. Now, aerosol hairspray uses VOCs! Which are also in nail polish, perfumes, deodorants, non-aerosol hairspray and a bunch of other things. They aren't great for the environment either, but it's unlikely they'll be outlawed. Also, it would actually not be a good idea to excessively use products containing VOCs in a poorly ventilated area. Trust me, I spend a LOT of time doing my nails. That shit can make you dizzy if you don't open a window.
But! I guess this is just the schtick Donald Trump wants to use to explain why he hates environmental regulations SO MUCH and thinks they are bad. Because if what's good for the environment is bad for Donald Trump's hair, then those regulations are just not worth the risk. This is a good thing to be saying to coal miners, because they in particular are not at all harmed by lax environmental regulations. I mean, who is to say that all those coal miners don't WANT to get black lung? Perhaps on his next visit to Coal Country, the Donald can detail his plans for eliminating the Federal Coal Mine Health and Safety Act of 1969 and the Mine Safety and Health Administration. I bet that would go over super well! Because probably getting rid of those things would create jobs, or something. More jobs and more black lung for everyone! And more hairspray for Donald Trump!
Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse