Donate

GIVE HIM KISS JAMES COMEY


Weren't we just telling you that Donald Trump and FBI Director James Comey saw each other at a reception on Sunday and sang "Some Enchanted Evening" to each other, naked, like a couple of people in an old timey musical if they had done those naked? (It was a "warm greeting," if we are being completely journalism accurate.) Well now we know why! According to the New York Times, and according to Comey, Trump has asked him to stay on as FBI director (a term that lasts 10 years anyway, and he's only four years into his term, so Trump would have essentially had to fire him).

As the Washington Post notes, this would usually be something we'd call Totally Normal, considering the term length for FBI directors and how presidents hardly ever fire them at the outset, but it's kinda weird since the Justice Department inspector general is investigating Comey and potential FBI misbehavior in the lead-up to the election, and the FBI is investigating Trump links to Russia. Guess Trump thought it was best to keep Comey close up under his sumptuous bosom, and also it was LITERALLY THE LEAST HE COULD DO to say "Thanx lover, heart U" for sending out that bullshit letter about Hillary's emails 11 DAYS BEFORE THE ELECTION, while sitting on all kinds of info about FBI investigations into Trump.

As Congresswoman Maxine Waters said, Comey has ZERO credibility, but you know, neither does Trump, so ...

The New York Times reports that the conversation came up when Comey gave Trump that intelligence briefing he didn't listen to and then lied about, the one that also contained, as an addendum, information on the British spy dossier that alleges Trump was in deep collusion with the Russians to win the election, and also that Trumpy likey the wee wee from the Russian pee hookers. (For fairness, we should note that Vladimir Putin says Trump never got pee hookers in Russia, but Putin does confirm that Russian whores are the finest of all the whores, just tremendous, big league, yoooge, WHIZ-BANG!)

So, keeping Comey is probably smart for a couple of reasons. If Trump fired him and tried to put some godawful replacement in there, half of Congress would go apeshit and intelligence agencies in the US and abroad would probably start leaking Trump bizness like ... (Wonkette struggles for comparison since we already did a pee hooker joke in the last graf) ... BIG LEAKAGE, is what we are saying. Not that there won't still be leakage, but maybe not as much as if a new sheriff was coming in to shut all the investigations down.

And also, we are just spitballing here, but we have come to believe that Donald Trump and James Comey share a kind of transcendent love, come what may, and that Comey is dumb enough to try to tamp down on investigations, for the sake of the new president he has a crush on.

Will that work? We dunno! The intelligence community still hates Trump, for obvious reasons, no matter how many laugh-tracked dog and pony shows the president stages in front of the Memorial Wall at CIA headquarters in Langley, and if you consider how members of Congress have reacted to the intelligence briefings they've gotten ...

(For God's sake, Rep. Mark Pocan of Wisconsin says if this was any other democracy, there would be a do-over of the election, and oh yeah, remember John Lewis calling Trump "illegitimate"? Yeah.)

OK fine, two Russian pee hooker jokes in one post: We reckon stuff is going to keep leaking like a Russian pee hooker who just had two Big Gulps even though her boss was like "No, Evgeniya, that's too much Big Gulps, and our new client who is not the American president doesn't like Russian hookers who do the pee-pee dance the second they walk in the door, because then there is no surprise."

That's what we think it will be like, maybe.

[New York Times / Washington Post]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

$
Donate with CC

Look, it is your afternoon Nice Times at the Supreme Court! It is also your WUT and HUH Times, with Justices Thomas, Sotomayor, Kagan and Gorsuch joining in an opinion by RBG tossing a challenge to Virginia's new, fair districts. Go know!

After the 2010 Census, Republicans in the Virginia House of Delegates did what they do best -- they stole more elections, redrawing the electoral map to ensure themselves a supermajority for all eternity. Why let the voters choose their representatives when the representatives can pick their own voters as the founders intended, right? Voters in 12 of the affected districts sued the Virginia State Board of Elections in 2014 to invalidate the districts as illegal racial gerrymanders, and the House of Delegates intervened in Bethune-Hill v. Va. State Bd. of Elections to support the Board and defend its own power.

After extensive litigation including a trip up to the Supreme Court in 2017, the District Court in the Eastern District of Virginia tossed 11 of the districts as illegal racial gerrymanders and ordered the maps redrawn in 2018. At which point, the Commonwealth of Virginia noped out and quit defending the old, craptastic districts, which should have been the end of it.

BUT NO. The Virginia House of Delegates, which is still held by the GOP despite their party netting nine percent fewer votes than Democrats in the 2017 election, vowed to fight on.

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

Spinal Tap - Gimme Some Money

Some dick is suing your Wonkette! If you are able, will you please send money?

1. Pick "just once" or "monthly."

2. Pick an amount, like say "all of the money."

3. Click "paypal" if you are paypal or "stripe" if you are not paypal.

4. MONEY.

5. Carry on with your day, and with new posts below!

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

$
Donate with CC
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc