Donald Trump Figures He'll Stay Married To FBI Director James Comey A Few More Years
GIVE HIM KISS JAMES COMEY
Weren't we just telling you that Donald Trump and FBI Director James Comey saw each other at a reception on Sunday and sang "Some Enchanted Evening" to each other, naked, like a couple of people in an old timey musical if they had done those naked? (It was a "warm greeting," if we are being completely journalism accurate.) Well now we know why! According to the New York Times, and according to Comey, Trump has asked him to stay on as FBI director (a term that lasts 10 years anyway, and he's only four years into his term, so Trump would have essentially had to fire him).
As the Washington Post notes, this would usually be something we'd call Totally Normal, considering the term length for FBI directors and how presidents hardly ever fire them at the outset, but it's kinda weird since the Justice Department inspector general is investigating Comey and potential FBI misbehavior in the lead-up to the election, and the FBI is investigating Trump links to Russia. Guess Trump thought it was best to keep Comey close up under his sumptuous bosom, and also it was LITERALLY THE LEAST HE COULD DO to say "Thanx lover, heart U" for sending out that bullshit letter about Hillary's emails 11 DAYS BEFORE THE ELECTION, while sitting on all kinds of info about FBI investigations into Trump.
As Congresswoman Maxine Waters said, Comey has ZERO credibility, but you know, neither does Trump, so ...
The New York Times reports that the conversation came up when Comey gave Trump that intelligence briefing he didn't listen to and then lied about, the one that also contained, as an addendum, information on the British spy dossier that alleges Trump was in deep collusion with the Russians to win the election, and also that Trumpy likey the wee wee from the Russian pee hookers. (For fairness, we should note that Vladimir Putin says Trump never got pee hookers in Russia, but Putin does confirm that Russian whores are the finest of all the whores, just tremendous, big league, yoooge, WHIZ-BANG!)
So, keeping Comey is probably smart for a couple of reasons. If Trump fired him and tried to put some godawful replacement in there, half of Congress would go apeshit and intelligence agencies in the US and abroad would probably start leaking Trump bizness like ... (Wonkette struggles for comparison since we already did a pee hooker joke in the last graf) ... BIG LEAKAGE, is what we are saying. Not that there won't still be leakage, but maybe not as much as if a new sheriff was coming in to shut all the investigations down.
And also, we are just spitballing here, but we have come to believe that Donald Trump and James Comey share a kind of transcendent love, come what may, and that Comey is dumb enough to try to tamp down on investigations, for the sake of the new president he has a crush on.
Will that work? We dunno! The intelligence community still hates Trump, for obvious reasons, no matter how many laugh-tracked dog and pony shows the president stages in front of the Memorial Wall at CIA headquarters in Langley, and if you consider how members of Congress have reacted to the intelligence briefings they've gotten ...
OK fine, two Russian pee hooker jokes in one post: We reckon stuff is going to keep leaking like a Russian pee hooker who just had two Big Gulps even though her boss was like "No, Evgeniya, that's too much Big Gulps, and our new client who is not the American president doesn't like Russian hookers who do the pee-pee dance the second they walk in the door, because then there is no surprise."
That's what we think it will be like, maybe.