Donald Trump Fucks Himself Live On Twitter: A Play In Three Acts
Yesterday was HOOBOY! Felt like we had our fingers in the socket all damn day long. So we almost missed this delightful little legal drama that unfolded on Twitter last night when we were trying to get our blood pressure back under control. No spoilers, but ... the president is a fucking idiot.
Act I: Old Man Yells At Clouds
Just after 8 o'clock, the Presiderp thumbed some nonsense about the Deep State into his Twitter machine.
The House of Representatives seeks contempt citations(?) against the JusticeDepartment and the FBI for withholding key documents and an FBI witness which could shed light on surveillance of associates of Donald Trump. Big stuff. Deep State. Give this information NOW! @FoxNews
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 30, 2017
Coming at the end of a day where Trump had been tweeting racist snuff videos, Twitter's response was mostly a half-hearted, HUH?
Anyone know what the hell grandpa’s yelling about here? https://t.co/nCXFw1SOet
— Jon Favreau (@jonfavs) November 30, 2017
Except for national security lawyer Brad Moss, who seemed oddly excited.
OMG, are you stupid? You just blew apart two different cases your DOJ is defending against me. I’m going to take you apart, Mr. President. https://t.co/lpeTAkBFwP
— Bradley P. Moss, Esq (@BradMossEsq) November 30, 2017
Hmmmmm, we said to ourselves, what is this? Tell us more, Brad Moss, Esq.!
Act II: Fox News. The Answer is Always Fox News.
Well, if you were betting that this would involve Congressclown Devin Nunes and The Dodgy Dossier, then you are today's big winner. Hooray!
Here, it would appear, is what this tweet is about: https://t.co/1YuOa2f78p
— Chris Geidner (@chrisgeidner) November 30, 2017
Despite being booted off the Russia investigation for being unethical and dumb as dirt, Nunes is still kicking shit up on the House Select Committee. And last night's Special Report on Fox was all about Nunes's valiant efforts to show that there is NO RUSSIA because THE DODGY DOSSIER. You see, if the dossier was used as a basis for FISA warrants, then all Trump's one million crimes don't exist, obviously. Via Newsmax (yes, we said Newsmax),
"After eight months of ongoing verbal, written and subpoenaed requests — and engagement by Committee and House leadership at the highest levels — DOJ, FBI continues to impede the Committee's legitimate investigative efforts and hinders the Committee's ability to conduct oversight," wrote Kash Patel in the internal memo obtained by Fox News.
"Staff therefore recommends further congressional compliance actions," the memo continued. Sources told Fox News the latter phrase was code for contempt citation, Fox News' James Rosen reported Wednesday on "Special Report."
"We are trying to work with DOJ and the FBI," Nunes told Fox News. "We hope that they will comply, but if they don't, they leave us very few options. We sent subpoenas out in June, July, and August that still haven't been complied with. So, I think stonewalling would be putting it lightly."
Nunes is GRRRRR, SO MAD that the DOJ won't just hand over all the top secret informations to him. Because Nunes is a moron who doesn't law good, he remains doggedly ignorant of the legal framework protecting FISA courts. And because Trump is also a moron, he just tweets out any bullshit he sees on Fox without regard for the consequences.
Act III: The Blowback
We can't say why that maniac thinks that disclosure of all the times he talked to Russian money launderers and underworld goons will actually help him. (We'd have better luck trying to find meaning in a pile of rotting goat entrails.) But we know exactly why Trump's opponents wants to see those warrants, which likely contain evidence of Trump's one million crimes and extensive Russian entanglements. Hence the James Madison Project, represented by Bradley Moss, filed a FOIA request for information on those very same FISA warrants. The government sent JMP a Glomar letter, which is a response that says basically we may or may not have what you're looking for, and we ain't telling.
But last night, Chairman MAGA barfed out what sounds like a declassification order on Twitter.
Here are four words that we'll be hearing a lot about in the coming day(s): pic.twitter.com/a6CdSOlSSF
— Chris Geidner (@chrisgeidner) November 30, 2017
All the best words, indeed. Within three hours, Moss had filed a Supplemental Motion to disclose the FISA information he'd previously FOIA'd.
— Big Cases Bot (@big_cases) November 30, 2017
Let's take a closer look here.
Translation: OH, YOU WANNA TALK SHIT? FINE. NOW PONY UP, ASSHOLE.
We are also highly amused by the footnote on page 1.
The typo and syntax errors are from the original tweet.
So, here we have Exhibit 9,746,598 of the President's tweets wrecking his legal case. Because he is an idiot. And yes, EVERYTHING IS ON FIRE, but let's all take a moment to do our best Nelson Muntz impersonation. Because this self-own is just about perfect.
Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.