Trump Delivers Gift Of Stochastic Terrorism To Gretchen Whitmer In Lansing, Michigan

Trump

Donald Trump's broke-ass campaign pulled its advertising from Florida, a must-win if not a must-visit state. Trump's focusing his remaining Yugoslavian pfennigs on the Rust Belt, specifically Michigan, which he narrowly won back during his racist glory days. Trump held another hate rally in Lansing, the state capital, even though health care workers didn't want him there. See, there's this virus called COVID-19, which is highly contagious, and the president's ego-inflating superspreader events aren't good for public health.

Trump doesn't care, of course. Despite coronavirus cases surging in the state, Trump insists it's no big deal. It's like a president visiting states during hurricanes and calling everyone who's considering evacuating a sissy.

TRUMP: It's a choice between a Trump boom or a Biden lockdown, but you're already locked down.

He said this to a packed crowd of soon-to-be sick people.

TRUMP: It's a choice between our plan to kill the virus or Biden's plan to kill the American dream.

This fool has no plan to kill the virus. His chief of staff, Mark Meadows, has admitted as much. Dumb teens in a horror movie at least try to run away from the chainsaw killer. That's more of a plan than Trump pretending the virus doesn't exist while complaining about its media coverage.

("Hilariously," Trump flack Hogan Gidley whined to CNN that the coronavirus's press was "exceedingly negative." Sounds like it needs a new publicist.)

Trump bragged that his son, Barron, recovered from the coronavirus in “about 12 seconds." He doesn't appreciate how psychologically damaged this makes him sound. It would terrify actual human parents if their child was ill with a disease that's killed more than a million people worldwide. We'd have sleepless nights, even if they seemed fine, because we know so little about the virus's longterm effects. All that matters to Trump is that his son is “tough."


TRUMP: Young kids have a very strong immune system, nobody even knew it. Get your children back to school.

Children can still spread the virus to at-risk older adults, including teachers, who don't have access to Trump's Cadillac medical care.

Whenever Trump visits Michigan these days, he can't resist raising a lynch mob against Governor Gretchen Whitmer. (Whitmer describes in the Atlantic why this isn't ideal.) The Lansing crowd shouted, “Lock her up" and Trump just lapped it up.

TRUMP: See, I don't comment on that because every time if I make just a little bit of a nod, they say, “The president led them."

The thing is, asshole, you're not supposed to nod when your supporters call for the imprisonment of an elected official who hasn't committed any actual crimes. A decent person would stop them.

TRUMP: I don't have to lead you.

But Trump is not a decent person. He's a misogynist and a monster. Either one might explain why he repeatedly attacks Whitmer, who was recently the target of a domestic terror plot, or “jokes" about how Kamala Harris isn't ready to lead if, just saying, someone shoots Joe Biden three weeks into his term.

The FBI busted the men who were planning to kidnap Whitmer (at least), but Trump was upset that she didn't send him a thank-you card and floral arrangement. He seriously said that “I ... helped her out with her problem," like he's a common gangster.

Trump has a running bit about how no one's “free" in Michigan but Whitmer's husband, Marc Mallory. This is in reference to a dumb joke Mallory made when trying to retrieve their boat prior to Memorial Day weekend. Under normal circumstances, late night comics could have some fun with Mallory's gaffe, but the five deranged men who might've killed Whitmer believed she was acting like a “tyrant." Trump doesn't just encourage this narrative. He thinks they might've had a point.

TRUMP: We'll have to see if it's a problem.

The president was fine with the extrajudicial killing of a Portland man suspected of killing one of his supporters, but he has a wait-and-see approach to men charged with federal crimes. Whitmer technically lives in the suburbs. She's one of the white ladies Trump is sworn to protect from Cory Booker and his vegan smoothies.

TRUMP: People are entitled to say maybe it was a problem, maybe it wasn't.

The president, who is incredibly racist, considers Black Lives Matter protesters animals but believes we should give a fair hearing to grievances of white men who threatened a sitting governor. He's incapable of showing Whitmer the same consideration he gave the gun-toting scaredy cats in St. Louis.

TRUMP: It was our people ... my people ... our people that helped her out.

The FBI are also Whitmer's people. They serve all American citizens. Trump's wiseguy rhetoric is appalling.

Just six more days until we can elect a president who doesn't talk like this, think like this, or is in any way like this.

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He's on the board of the Portland Playhouse theater and writes for the immersive theater Cafe Nordo in Seattle. Tickets are on sale now for his latest Nordo collaboration, "Curiouser and Curiouser," an adaptation of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass." It promises to feel like an actual evening with SER (for good or for ill).

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