Trump Blows A Foul Wind
At a fundraiser for Republican Congresswoman Claudia Tenney last week, Donald Trump offered his very unique perspective on why America needs a lot more coal as part of our energy mix. Never mind that continuing to belch coal into our air will kill hundreds of people per year; we just have to do it, because what if terrorists or other enemies blowed up all our oil, huh? Or what if the birds came and destroyed all the windmills? Look, maybe Donald Trump doesn't actually believe birds will attack windmills. But he definitely said they would.
Trump was clearly looking forward to his exciting new Coal For Everyone energy plan when he gave the speech; in among the usual lies about all his wonderful imaginary achievements, President BestWords offered these perfectly clear thoughts on why coal is the best energy source ever for a busy country with many enemies: It's the only one that's solid and can be picked up and used after the terrorists wipe out all our oil and stuff:
Coal, you have to understand, is "a tremendous form of energy in the sense that in a military way -- think of it -- coal is indestructible":
You can blow up a pipeline, you can blow up the windmills. You know, the wind wheels, [mimics windmill noise, mimes shooting gun] "Bing!" That's the end of that one.
Yes, just think of all the windmills that have been stopped cold by a bad guy with a gun. But instead of advocating the sensible step of arming the windmills so they can send bullets the other direction, Trump moved on to the eternal mutual animosity between birds and wind turbines, one of those weird obsessions he simply will never let go of.
If the birds don't kill it first. The birds could kill it first. They kill so many birds. You look underneath some of those windmills, it's like a killing field, the birds.
Factcheck: mostly bullshit. While wind turbines do kill some birds, the entire wind industry accounts for only about a tenth of all "unnatural" bird deaths every year. Far more birds are killed by nuclear and fossil fuel plants, and then there's all the water needed to keep both nuclear and coal/gas/oil plants running, which isn't good for fish or other aquatic life. (Hell, maybe tell Trump that windmills would free up some water for firefighting, since he's such a genius on hydrology.)
Not incidentally, as the Governors' Wind and Solar Energy Coalition notes, changes in how the government enforces the Migratory Bird Treaty Act are far more likely to decimate wild bird populations. Audubon Society spokesperson Nicolas Gonzalez pointed out exactly how stupid Trump is:
This means that while the President is allegedly opposing wind power due to the impact on birdlife, his Department of the Interior is also gutting the most important bird conservation law on the books.
Ah, but Trump had even more stupid thoughts on wind energy, too!
But uh, you know, that's what they were going to, they were going to windmills. And you know, don't worry about wind, when the wind doesn't blow, I said, "What happens when the wind doesn't blow?" Well, then we have a problem. Okay good. They were putting him in areas where they didn't have much wind, too. And it's a subsidary [sic] — you need subsidy for windmills. You need subsidy. Who wants to have energy where you need subsidy? So, uh, the coal is doing great.
Um. Batteries exist, and developing high-capacity batteries for solar and wind applications is actually creating jobs -- as we've noted before, solar and wind are creating far more jobs than coal, even with Trump's desperate attempts to make coal happen. As for subsidies, Trump apparently thinks that completely rewriting environmental law, demanding a reserve supply of coal to beat the Kaiser, doesn't count as a subsidy.
This is because he is a fucking idiot, and we hope a flock of seagulls poops on him. Actual seagulls or the band, we're good either way.
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Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.