Donald Trump Is Going To Ruin Your Weekend. Your Sunday Night Debate Preview!
Hillary the whole time on Sunday, probably
GRRRRR who is running the Commission On Presidential Debates? Is it Debbie Wasserman Schultz? Because, WTF GRRRRRR, the second presidential debate is geing held on Sunday night, which, according to the ancient art of reading calendars, is ON THE WEEKEND. But fine, you were going to watch it anyway, and so were we, so we guess we'll all just be drunk from our all-day brunch or whatever. As usual, you have questions about what the holy heck is going to happen in the debate, and we have a couple of facts to share, and maybe a couple lies we made up:
How is this debate DIFFERENT from the first presidential debate?
WELL, it is a town hall format, so Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton will take questions from ordinary voters, both those in attendance and also from Viewers Like You, whose questions sound like they were written by CNN panelists.
How is this debate the SAME as the first presidential debate?
Hillary Clinton will beat Donald Trump's ass with a stick, because as usual, he's not really doing debate prep -- unless he is and he's just fooling us! It probably won't matter, though, because Trump's bad debate performance isn't about lack of preparation, it's about a lack of fundamental life skills like "being smart" and "knowing things" and "speaking English goodly." There is no goddamn way he has solved those problems since the last debate.
Will there be a drinking game for every time Trump says he didn't say something he clearly said?
Do you have a death wish?
Good. No drinking game, it's just not safe.
Is Anderson Cooper going to gay up the place?
YES! He will be one of the moderators, which means, by definition, he will be gaying up the place. The other moderator is Martha Raddatz, and we assume she will "Raddatz" up the place with her own style of doing things.
How does "Raddatzing" work? Sounds like one of those Kids These Days dance crazes!
MAYBE IT IS.
What button should I press on the clicker to get to the channel where the debate is?
The "on" button, because it's on ALL the major networks again, because it's a damn presidential debate. Or you can find it online somewhere, if you're into "technology." Or you can skip it entirely and watch football.
Who's playing Sunday night?
A lot of teams, OK? Can you even Google things? But if you'd like to watch football during the debate, you will be watching the Giants and the Packers.
Boo sports, we want to watch something else entirely.
You are in luck, because Logo has a "Roseanne" marathon.
What time and stuff?
Debate starts at 9 Eastern, Roseanne marathon starts at 8, and Giants v. Packers is at 8:30.
Oh, and if you are in Chicago, Wonkette writer Robyn and intern Dominic are having another one of their Wonkette debate watchy-watchy things. It is at @North Bar, which is located at 1637 W. North Avenue, at 7:30 PM!
WILL YOU LIVEBLOG IT FOR US BECAUSE WE NEED YOU IN OUR LIVES TO SAY THE JOKES AND SO WE ARE NOT LONELY?
Yes! The debate at least. Or maybe "Roseanne." We will just have to see how we feel about things when the time comes.
Are you done with this post now because it is Friday afternoon and it's almost the weekend?
We are done with this post, like for real. SEE YOU GUYS SUNDAY NIGHT!