Donald Trump Just As Dumb And Shallow As You Thought He Was

Swear to god, thought that was Roger Stone at first.

In your "Well that makes perfect sense" news for the day, we learn that a big part of Donald Trump's decision-making "process" -- if you don't mind using the word so loosely -- for choosing cabinet members is whether the candidates look the part, at least as Donald Trump imagines that part to be. The other top qualification, of course, is that the person he ultimately picks should be dedicated to dismantling the agency or department they're chosen for, which is why Trump is still having a hard time finding a NASA administrator: There are plenty of guys with crew cuts, narrow ties, and horn-rimmed glasses, but the ideal candidate also has to be a member of the Flat Earth Society, which narrows things down a bit. In any case, now we know Trump is treating job interviews like casting calls run by Billy Crystal as Fernando Lamas: It doesn't so much matter if you are marvelous, as long as you LOOK marvelous:

Presentation is very important because you’re representing America not only on the national stage but also the international stage, depending on the position,” said Trump transition spokesman Jason Miller.

To lead the Pentagon, Trump chose a rugged combat general, whom he compares to a historic one. At the United Nations, his ambassador will be a poised and elegant Indian American with a compelling immigrant backstory. As secretary of state, Trump tapped a neophyte to international diplomacy, but one whose silvery hair and boardroom bearing project authority.

And yes, in all seriousness, that is at least supposedly part of the reason Trump spent such a long time dangling the Secretary of State job before Mitt Romney, beyond, of course, the simple fun of dicking him around. But the guy sure as heck looks like a diplomat from central casting. Maybe he can hope for a spin-off.

Trump's attraction to attractive, TV-ready faces also explains why so many of his staffing choices have been regulars on Fox News: He feels like he already knows them, from watching the shows.

“He likes people who present themselves very well, and he’s very impressed when somebody has a background of being good on television because he thinks it’s a very important medium for public policy,” said Chris Ruddy, chief executive of Newsmax Media and a longtime friend of Trump. “Don’t forget, he’s a showbiz guy. He was at the pinnacle of showbiz, and he thinks about showbiz. He sees this as a business that relates to the public.”

The transition team has not yet announced what West Wing role will eventually be offered to the cheerful lady in the Phillips constipation commercials or that nice outgoing gal whose moderate to severe plaque psoriasis has responded so well to Otezla. Don't expect any offers for insurance ad character "Flo," however, as Trump finds her a bit dowdy, not to mention excessively Progressive. Plus, her name makes him worry she might always be bleeding from her wherever.

Trump even said looks played a factor in his choice of a vice president, explaining that Mike Pence's alleged economic leadership in Indiana was “the primary reason I wanted Mike, other than he looks very good, other than he’s got an incredible family, incredible wife and family.” This is where we finally get to make use of the observation our high school history teacher, Mr. Wallace, made about Warren G. Harding, which was that the main reason people elected ol' Warren Gamaliel was that he looked like a president.

Thanks, Mr. Wallace!

And of course, we all remember Trump's campaign comments about how Hillary Clinton didn't have "a presidential look, and you need a presidential look," not to mention his comments about Carly Fiorina's face, or maybe her persona, which for Trump turn out to be the same thing:

Trump’s expression sours in schoolboy disgust as the camera bores in on Fiorina. “Look at that face!” he cries. “Would anyone vote for that? Can you imagine that, the face of our next president?!” The laughter grows halting and faint behind him. “I mean, she’s a woman, and I’m not s’posedta say bad things, but really, folks, come on. Are we serious?”

Believe it or not, this obsession with looks leads some people to think Trump is an unserious, superficial person, as if his total lack of knowledge or the rich evidence that he's never read a book since high school hadn't already given that impression.

Anyway, the Washington Post goes on and on about all this a lot more, and it's a good read about how Trump treats staffing his administration like a casting call, but let's get right to the best bit in the whole thing and be done with it: America may be protected from the specter of a return to government by John "The answer is always Bomb Iran" Bolton because Trump may not like his looks:

“Donald was not going to like that mustache,” said one associate, who spoke on the condition of anonymity to speak frankly. “I can’t think of anyone that’s really close to Donald that has a beard that he likes.”

That, and Trump didn't care for the way it tickled his balls.

Thank you, the end.


Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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