Swear to god, thought that was Roger Stone at first.

In your "Well that makes perfect sense" news for the day, we learn that a big part of Donald Trump's decision-making "process" -- if you don't mind using the word so loosely -- for choosing cabinet members is whether the candidates look the part, at least as Donald Trump imagines that part to be. The other top qualification, of course, is that the person he ultimately picks should be dedicated to dismantling the agency or department they're chosen for, which is why Trump is still having a hard time finding a NASA administrator: There are plenty of guys with crew cuts, narrow ties, and horn-rimmed glasses, but the ideal candidate also has to be a member of the Flat Earth Society, which narrows things down a bit. In any case, now we know Trump is treating job interviews like casting calls run by Billy Crystal as Fernando Lamas: It doesn't so much matter if you are marvelous, as long as you LOOK marvelous:

Presentation is very important because you’re representing America not only on the national stage but also the international stage, depending on the position,” said Trump transition spokesman Jason Miller.

To lead the Pentagon, Trump chose a rugged combat general, whom he compares to a historic one. At the United Nations, his ambassador will be a poised and elegant Indian American with a compelling immigrant backstory. As secretary of state, Trump tapped a neophyte to international diplomacy, but one whose silvery hair and boardroom bearing project authority.

And yes, in all seriousness, that is at least supposedly part of the reason Trump spent such a long time dangling the Secretary of State job before Mitt Romney, beyond, of course, the simple fun of dicking him around. But the guy sure as heck looks like a diplomat from central casting. Maybe he can hope for a spin-off.

Trump's attraction to attractive, TV-ready faces also explains why so many of his staffing choices have been regulars on Fox News: He feels like he already knows them, from watching the shows.

“He likes people who present themselves very well, and he’s very impressed when somebody has a background of being good on television because he thinks it’s a very important medium for public policy,” said Chris Ruddy, chief executive of Newsmax Media and a longtime friend of Trump. “Don’t forget, he’s a showbiz guy. He was at the pinnacle of showbiz, and he thinks about showbiz. He sees this as a business that relates to the public.”

The transition team has not yet announced what West Wing role will eventually be offered to the cheerful lady in the Phillips constipation commercials or that nice outgoing gal whose moderate to severe plaque psoriasis has responded so well to Otezla. Don't expect any offers for insurance ad character "Flo," however, as Trump finds her a bit dowdy, not to mention excessively Progressive. Plus, her name makes him worry she might always be bleeding from her wherever.

Trump even said looks played a factor in his choice of a vice president, explaining that Mike Pence's alleged economic leadership in Indiana was “the primary reason I wanted Mike, other than he looks very good, other than he’s got an incredible family, incredible wife and family.” This is where we finally get to make use of the observation our high school history teacher, Mr. Wallace, made about Warren G. Harding, which was that the main reason people elected ol' Warren Gamaliel was that he looked like a president.

Thanks, Mr. Wallace!

And of course, we all remember Trump's campaign comments about how Hillary Clinton didn't have "a presidential look, and you need a presidential look," not to mention his comments about Carly Fiorina's face, or maybe her persona, which for Trump turn out to be the same thing:

Trump’s expression sours in schoolboy disgust as the camera bores in on Fiorina. “Look at that face!” he cries. “Would anyone vote for that? Can you imagine that, the face of our next president?!” The laughter grows halting and faint behind him. “I mean, she’s a woman, and I’m not s’posedta say bad things, but really, folks, come on. Are we serious?”

Believe it or not, this obsession with looks leads some people to think Trump is an unserious, superficial person, as if his total lack of knowledge or the rich evidence that he's never read a book since high school hadn't already given that impression.

Anyway, the Washington Post goes on and on about all this a lot more, and it's a good read about how Trump treats staffing his administration like a casting call, but let's get right to the best bit in the whole thing and be done with it: America may be protected from the specter of a return to government by John "The answer is always Bomb Iran" Bolton because Trump may not like his looks:

“Donald was not going to like that mustache,” said one associate, who spoke on the condition of anonymity to speak frankly. “I can’t think of anyone that’s really close to Donald that has a beard that he likes.”

That, and Trump didn't care for the way it tickled his balls.

Thank you, the end.


Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Guys, it's been one more shit day in a shit week in the fifth shit month of another shit Trump year. Which is why I need to remind you that it's not ALL shit out there! Oh, sure, it's MOSTLY shit, but you know what isn't shit? YR WONKETTE, and the strange community of strange internet people who have made getting through all this shit a bit more tolerable, that's who and what. Which is why you should give us money, so we can keep whanging away at the walls of shit with our shovels and laughing at the shit getting all over, because one of these days we will get it all cleaned up or at least not be up to our waists in shit, and we can all laugh about what a crazy fight it was, as St. Molly Ivins always kept reminding us.

In case you're new here, let me just remind you that Wonkette literally got me, Yr Dok Zoom, out of what wasn't quite poverty, but was pretty much paycheck-to-paycheck desperation. I started reading the site shortly before Barack Obama was elected, began commenting sometime in his first term, and submitted a story tip to Rebecca a few months after she bought the site for 47 dollars and a sandwich (I now understand it was a bit more than that). It was Memorial Day 2012, and she wrote back she was busy with some "stupid thing I have to do for some muneez," but would I like to try writing a blog post myself? "I understand if you say FUCK NO. But maybe you are thinking FUCK YES?" And then she warned me she paid only in Ameros. I did, the post was forgettable but OK, and then I wrote a thing (borrowed from now long-lost comments) that went semi-viral, and suddenly I was that hottest thing in publishing, a freelancer!

In less than a year, Rebecca asked you all to buy me to be your very own pet blogger, and my life suddenly became incredibly good, like as good as an Abba song. It's as good as "Dancing Queen." Thanks to the timing of the whole thing (and to Barry Obama and Nancy Pelosi), I actually had health insurance for the first time in years, a not inconsiderable thing. And you had an Editrix who was not working 12 hour days six and a half days a week and drinking too much from stress. Your continued donations helped hire Evan full time and Robyn and Bianca part time and a whole raft of freelancers, and now Rebecca is down to eight-hour days, five and a half days a week, and drinking because there's a madman in the White House and everything's terrible.

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There is a very normal article circulating on the internet right now by a fella named Don Boys (that's not the joke, the jokes are coming), who is both an insane batshit preacher, and also an insane batshit former member of the Indiana House of Representatives. (Also sometimes he blogs at the Daily Caller about how Mike Pence really went balls deep into the gay agenda when he swore in that insane batshit gay guy Rick Grenell as America's ambassador to Germany.)

This article, of course, is about Pete Buttigieg, because what are anti-gay buffoons obsessed with right now? Pete Buttigieg. Boys (still his name) is primarily concerned not with the simple fact that Buttigieg is gay, but with how gay Buttigieg really is. IN THE SEX WAY!

Well, Don, since you asked!

Shall we dive into this thing without the proper prophylactics? We shall.

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