Donald Trump: Orrin Hatch Wants To Have My Babies, And I Saw One Of The Babies And It Looked At Me
He's wearing his big-boy pants!
Donald Trump went to the big Republican congressional retreat in West Virginia last night and gave a speech that was just chock full o' derp. If you're a masochist who wants to see how the State of the Union speech would have sounded with no teleprompters, take a gander at the full video at the bottom of the post. While he was rattling off his own very unique take on all his huge accomplishments and insisting his first year as "president" had been a "tremendous success" because Republicans jammed through a tax cut for rich fuckwads in December, Trump took a moment to praise one of the tremendous Republicans who had made the year so tremendously tremendous: Utah Senator Orrin Hatch, who apparently confessed he has an epic man-crush on Trump. Hatch, the Senate's longest-serving Republican, is exactly the kind of lawmaker Trump likes best: one who'll say the very best things about Donald Trump. Is Hatch tremendous? Even better: He's spectacular.
I love listening to him speak. He said once I am the single greatest president in his lifetime -- Now, he’s a young man, so it’s not that much [Ha! Ha! Hatch is 83! See what Trump did there? -- Dok Z] -- and he actually once said I’m the greatest president in the history of our country. And I said, "Does that include Lincoln and Washington?" He said, "Yes." I said, "I love this guy. I love him."
Well wouldn't you know it, ol' Orrin may not have said that, exactly, though it was awfully nice of Trump to say he did. A Hatch spokesperson, Matt Whitlock, later clarified,
Senator Hatch has said that he would like to work with the President to make this the greatest presidency in history for the American people.
But did Hatch say Trump was the greatest president ever, right now?
“No he did not,” Hatch’s spokesman said.
As of this moment, we're still waiting on a follow-up question on whether Hatch specified Trump is -- or could become -- better than Washington or Lincoln, though that line about maybe becoming the greatest would appear to include them. If anything, Trump is definitely way better at bragging about his accomplishments than either of those guys, who were such wimps they thought humility was a virtue.
Asked for comment, the Internet replied,
Here is the full speech, from which we'll bring you additional Trumpnuggets of meaty wisdom later:
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Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.