Donald Trump Obsesses Over Hillary Clinton For About 90 Minutes Of 90 Minute Arizona Rally
Donald Trump is feeling cocky these days. His Republican cronies helped him survive impeachment. His approval numbers are almost as high as a summer day in San Francisco. You could see how relaxed this new Trump is during his latest hate rally Wednesday in Phoenix, Arizona. His adoring fans waited in line overnight, camping out like the homeless people they resent. It was all worth it to see Trump give a version of the same damn speech.
Trump's opening act was Arizona Sen. Martha McSally, whose remarks were a tiresome word salad filled with partisan rancor and sycophantic fealty to the president. She couldn't say enough good things about Trump, which is why she was invited. McSally called the reporters present "liberal hacks," because that's her hot "where's the beef?" catchphrase.
MCSALLY: Do you want a United States senator who is going to support President Trump for his America First agenda to keep America great? Well, that's what I'm doing as your United States senator!
Screw that constitutional oath she took! McSally is proudly Trump's henchman. McSally led the crowd in booing her political opponent, Mark Kelly, because he's just as much a dirty communist as Bernie Sanders. She asked the people in the audience if they were for socialism and they all said "NO!" She asked them if they were for a "government takeover of health care" and they all said "NO!" She asked them if they were for "open borders," which is actually not something Sanders supports, and they all said "NO!" She asked them if they were for "free health care for illegals," which is just a repulsive way of referring to human beings unless you're discussing Trump's 2016 campaign staff. They, of course, said "NO!"
MCSALLY: Do you know my opponent, Mark Kelly, said he would've voted to convict the president and remove him from office AND remove him from the 2020 ballot!
McSally was especially pissed about the last part and she made it sound like some extra-crazy liberal punishment Nancy Pelosi cooked up instead of literally what happens if a president is removed from office. They are disqualified from holding any federal office again.
MCSALLY: My opponent, Mark Kelly, would join with Bernie Sanders. They wanted to stop your voice.
No, they wanted to stop the crimes.
MCSALLY: They wanted to take away your voice, the 2016 presidential election overturned, and remove [Trump] from the ballot! We're not going to let that happen! We have so much more to do! ... We're gonna Trump, vote McSally, and reject socialism and REJECT Mark Kelly and fight for freedom!
This classless speech was an ideal warm-up for Trump himself. He rambled on for about 90 minutes. He lied about everything from the economy to abortion. He praised his tepid polls numbers and insisted that if the "fake news" were treating him fairly, he'd be up 20 points! The evidence of such a claim is lacking. Most of all, though, he spoke with laser-sharp focus about an issue most important to Americans today — the 2016 presidential election.
TRUMP: [This movement] began very early. It began in 2016 with that wonderful, beautiful night. You remember that, right? That beautiful night in November.
Sweet Christ. He knocked Hillary Clinton, who is not running for anything, and ranted about her like a drunk at last call.
TRUMP: They said, "The numbers are looking incredibly good for Crooked Hillary. It's going to be a very short evening for Donald Trump. Finally, we'll be rid of this guy!" And then the numbers started coming in. It started with the great state of Florida: "Donald Trump has won the state of Florida!" They outspent me five to one! Every ad was negative, so when people got to the voting booth, they only knew one thing: She hated Donald Trump. But what the hell does she stand for? What does she do? Every ad was negative! ... You know, her husband said she was going to lose. Her husband's a professional. Her husband said, "You better go to Michigan, because I was there and they've got a Trump/Pence sign on every lawn. You'd better go to Wisconsin, Hillary!" She said, "No! What do you know!" He's a professional politician. She wasn't. That's one of those little problems in life.
It is currently 2020. There's a more pressing election for the president to obsess over. He did finally get around to attacking his potential general election opponents. It doesn't really matter what they actually believe because he's just going to insist they support "ripping babies straight out of their mother's wombs." When the president doesn't have to concern himself with actual policy, he can workshop the best nicknames for his opponents: "Mini-Mike," "Sleepy Joe," and, of course, "Pocahontas" are still his petty favorites.
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Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He's on the board of the Portland Playhouse theater and writes for the immersive theater Cafe Nordo in Seattle. Tickets are on sale now for his latest Nordo collaboration, "Curiouser and Curiouser," an adaptation of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass." It promises to feel like an actual evening with SER (for good or for ill).