Donald Trump Reads Perfectly Adequate Statement To Shocked Nation, Doesn't Even Blame Hillary Clinton
He stayed on script real good.
Donald Trump delivered a brief statement on last night's massacre of more than 50 people in Las Vegas -- the number of injured has now climbed to 515 -- describing it as "an act of pure evil," and saying he will travel to Las Vegas Wednesday. Get ready for lots of people on cable news to marvel at how presidential he was for reading sympathetic words without going off script at all or speculating as to the shooter's motives.
Trump praised first responders, saying
the speed with which they acted was miraculous, and prevented further loss of life. To have found the shooter so quickly after the first shots were fired is something for which we will always be thankful and grateful. It shows what true professionalism is all about.
The comments also included the mandatory thoughts and prayers, and invoked the teachings of the Scriptures that Donald Trump has read, bigly:
Scripture teaches us the Lord is close to the broken-hearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit. We seek comfort in those words, for we know God lives in the hearts of those who grieve.
Reporter challenge for tomorrow: Ask Donald Trump about Psalm 34:18. And then Isaiah 1:15.
Trump also said that he's ordering "our great flag" to be flown at half-staff, and said he will visit Las Vegas Wednesday. (He's still going to Puerto Rico tomorrow, so score one for someone in the White House on not fucking THAT up). Trump also offered perfectly acceptable words about unity in the face of tragedy:
We call upon the bonds that unite us, our faith, our family, and our shared values. We call upon the bonds of citizenship, the ties of community, and the comfort of our common humanity. Our unity cannot be shattered by evil, our bonds cannot be broken by violence, and though we feel such great anger at the senseless murder of our fellow citizens, it is our love that defines us today, and always will, forever.
It was an entirely appropriate speech, delivered in a flat Trumpian "Everybody's watching me so I gotta stay focused" voice that communicates caring, maybe, and we're sure it'll be taken as a sign that he's pivoted to a Very Presidential outlook, at least until he starts Tweeting about the great job he's done of comforting America, much better than Barack Obama ever did.
Trump also prayed for the day when "evil is banished," which is probably a far less practical goal than, say, reinstituting an assault weapons ban, imposing stricter background checks, or limiting the availability of high-capacity magazines.
You have our permission to skip today’s tithe to Wonkette and throw some money at Everytown for Gun Safety, Gabby Giffords’s Americans for Responsible Solutions, Moms Demand Action, and the Brady Campaign To Prevent Gun Violence. Be safe.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.