Donald Trump SO MAD Colorado Fire Marshal Refused To Let Him Die In A Fire
Donald Trump is just on a ROLL here this week. He's been going around insulting the Khans and god knows who else and generally tantrumming all over the internets because no one else on the entire planet seems to think that is a normal thing to do. Also, on Saturday, he got stuck in an elevator for 30 minutes with 10 other people in Colorado Springs, right before he had to go to one of his rallies!
I know what you are thinking, and NO, he did not get stuck in an elevator with a pregnant woman going into labor and then had to deliver a baby. Which is probably a good thing, since unlike Zach Morris or Brendan Walsh or Cherie from Punky Brewster or Vinnie Barbarino, it's unlikely he would be able to step up in such a scenario, given his intense phobia of female bodily functions. Probably, as in most other situations, he would have reacted pretty much just like Archie Bunker did.
He just got regular stuck in an elevator! And then the Colorado Springs firefighters came in and rescued him and got him out of the elevator and then he got to go to the big rally after all and give his big speech!
And what did he do in that speech? Did he thank the firefighters who rescued him? Did he express gratitude for not having had to deliver a baby while stuck in there?
HAHAHAHAHAHA. No, he did not. Don't be silly. He instead took that time to talk about how Fire Marshal Brett Lacey -- who had recently been honored by the city as “Civilian of the Year” for having helped with the wounded during the 2015 Planned Parenthood shooting -- just didn't know what he was doing, because he didn't let more people into the building than allowed by the fire code after the organizers sold more tickets to the rally than there were people allowed in that building! Probably he didn't want to let more people in because he was a Democrat, Trump said, and not because he was concerned for their safety! NICE!
Lacey responded to this by saying:
“There’s an old adage that when a fire marshal walks into a room, milk curdles. So because we’re always looking out for public safety and trying to make certain venues go off successfully and safely sometimes there are people that aren’t very happy with some of the rules and regulations we're required to enforce. But it doesn’t bother me at all.”
Really? Is that an old adage? Really? That is a terrible old adage. Because I, for one, am SUPER OK with all those rules and regulations and can think of much better reasons for milk to curdle around Donald Trump! I love those rules and regulations! Those rules and regulations are the best! As are the Fire Marshals who enforce them! Love those guys and gals! You know, because DYING IN A FIRE does not seem like a good time. In fact, it seems like the worst time possible. Also, being that I am not Donald Trump, as much as I don't like him, I do not want him to die in a fire. Not literally anyway. Just with votes!
Colorado Governor John Hickenlooper criticized Trump for going after Lacey in a tweet, and demanded an apology:
HAHAHAHA. Donald Trump will not be apologizing for that. What? He is going to apologize to a FIRE MARSHAL for obviously engaging in a democratic conspiracy to not let him die in a fire? Probably Hickenlooper was behind this the whole time! And Hillary Clinton! And the firefighting industrial complex!
Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse