Donald Trump Strongest President Who Ever COVID-ed
Donald Trump's present health condition is anyone's guess right now. That's because White House physician Dr. Sean Conley is incredibly shifty. All we know for sure is that the president is fit to stare at blank papers, like a nursing home resident imagining their grandkids have written them.
You might think that Americans deserve full transparency regarding the commander in chief's struggle with a deadly disease. If so, you probably just woke up from a four-year nap. Trump is the president and all that matters is supporting his massive ego. It's clear that any updates about his health aren't intended to inform the public but make the president feel better about himself — an impossible feat because he's terrible.
During an interview with Trace Gallagher of Fox News, White House Communications Director Alyssa Farah explained that it was a “common medical practice" to tell a patient whatever they want to hear.
FARAH: It's a very common medical practice that you want to convey confidence. And you want to raise the spirits of the person you are treating. I know this president. I don't know that he needs his spirits raised but I think it's actually a very common medical practice to do that.
Yes, my doctor frequently delivers news to me as a soft-shoe musical number. Farah's not lying at all.
Farah tried to have it both ways: She presented Trump as upbeat and still working hard on ramming through a Supreme Court nominee, but he's also so emotionally fragile his doctors need to dance around the truth.
FARAH: This president has never stopped working one day since this pandemic first starting breaking out in China, before it even came to US shores.
Trump went golfing at least 25 times while COVID-19 devastated the country, so whatever, lady. Look, I'm actually fine with the president taking a day off here and there. I disagree with the American instinct to claim working round the clock is a sign of virtue. However, Trump is objectively lazy, a shiftless Fox News binge watcher. That's his jam. Stop trying to turn him into John Henry.
Farah insisted Trump was the toughest guy she knew, not at all an old man who's at risk of severe complications from the disease he never took seriously. It was confirmed that Trump received supplemental oxygen after his blood oxygen levels twice dropped below 94 percent. Actual doctors who don't specialize in pep rally medicine point out that this is serious, no-joke COVID. Meanwhile, Mike Pence, next in line to the presidency, isn't quarantining and is still planning to fly places. Oh well, at least Nancy Pelosi is safe.
Republican strategist Brad Blakeman later tried to explain away the seeming disconnect between what Dr. Conley told reporters and the concerns White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows shared about Trump's condition.
BLAKEMAN: Maybe [Meadows] was alarmed because anytime you see somebody who is so robust getting oxygen, they may be more concerned than the clinical people who are treating the president.
Apparently, Meadows lacks the medical training necessary to shrug off the commander in chief needing supplemental oxygen. He's just a small child who can't cope with seeing Daddy at less than a 100 percent.
Blakeman then compared Trump to a professional football player, which was frankly a stretch before he was hospitalized.
BLAKEMAN: When we see a robust quarterback on the sidelines take oxygen, nobody is concerned about whether he's going to be able to finish the game
Yeah, Blakeman isn't using “robust" as a euphemism. He actually means "strong and healthy." Trump's VIGOROUS.
Trump is incredibly weak even when he's not shedding coronavirus, so obviously, he lacks the moral strength to admit that he's quite ill and take the precautions that will ensure the nation's stability during an uncertain time. Instead, he insists everyone around him enable the absurd illusion that he's superhuman, and he doesn't care if doing so jeopardizes the health of his own Secret Service agents.
At least the emperor who had no clothes was simply naked. Our mad king is highly contagious.
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Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He's on the board of the Portland Playhouse theater and writes for the immersive theater Cafe Nordo in Seattle. Tickets are on sale now for his latest Nordo collaboration, "Curiouser and Curiouser," an adaptation of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass." It promises to feel like an actual evening with SER (for good or for ill).