Donald Trump Terrific At Saying Classiest Bible Verses Almost Perfectly
Let's talk about Dr. King with the white people at the Jesus school, all my brahs!
As per the ancient Martin Luther King Day tradition -- no, not the one where Republicans Tweeterspace about how they woulda been total brahs with Dr. King if they were borneded when he was alive -- Donald J. Trump has traveled to Liberty University, the mostly white clown college founded by late African-American Civil Rights leader Jerry Falwell, to talk about Jesus.
And oh, Dr. King would have had a freedom-gasm when he saw the turnout! So many white faces, their attention fixed on the yoooge white real estate developer with the hair, because they were required to attend!
And oh, the Bible fellowship that was shared:
We're going to protect Christianity, and I can say that! I don't have to be politically correct or -- we're going to protect it. Ya know? I asked Jerry and I asked some of the folks, because I hear this is a major theme right here. But Two Corinthians, right? Two Corinthians ...
FUCKIN' TWO CORINTHIANS, AMIRITE? Fuckin' ONE Corinthians dumb and boring, but FUCKIN' TWO CORINTHIANS!
At this point in the video, a bunch of the little snot-nosed holier-than-thou Heathers in the audience were giggling to themselves like, "Oh, Sister in Christ, he doesn't even know how to say Bible! If we weren't such godly women, we might be tempted by the Devil to merrily titter at his oopsie-daisy!"
OK, back to the Bible study:
Two Corinthians 3:17, that's the whole ball-game! Where the spirit of the Lord -- right?! -- where the spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty! And here there is Liberty College! Liberty University. But it is so true! You know when you think, and that's really, is that the one? Is that the one you like? I think that's the one you like 'cause I loved it! And it's SO representative of what's taken place.
He LOVED that verse when he learned it right before he got on that stage. It says "liberty" and probably in the original Greek it says "Make America Great Again" and BING BONG! What a fuckin' Bible, right?
At this point, Marco Rubio's faith outreach director publicly died of an Are You Fucking Kidding Me attack, on Twitter:
[contextly_sidebar id="dj8ayNgszjzeYYbu88S8maxqjkuOuDYg"]Now look, this is not the first time Donald Trump has blown his own mind and ours with the depth of his Christian faith. The man is ALWAYS witnessing the Risen Christ to others, even if judgmental fundamentalist dickspittles like Tony Perkins and Phyllis Schlafly think he's a fake Christian. Fuck those assholes.
[contextly_sidebar id="neKA86kYwOqtRcYHSEbMFam5xtffs7h2"]Remember when we learned how much he loves the little Jesus crackers and the little wine during communion at his Presbyterian church, even though Presbyterian churches don't serve wine during communion?
[contextly_sidebar id="Gk0WuDxKZjBhXZwf5yaTH7aJHVxM7hkR"]And remember when Sarah Palin COMPLETELY understood when Trump didn't want to talk about his favorite Bible verse because A) all of them Katie, duh and B) talking about such things is just too personal?
[contextly_sidebar id="61WUX15kjvaX8IO7kfUfG9MYXhDa7bnh"]But then he shared that his favorite verse is the one in Proverbs where it says "Never bend to envy," because it's so EW GROSS when people bend to envying Trump for his massive wealth and beauty. And Trump doesn't want to hear you haters who say "Um, Bible Fact, but that's not a verse in Proverbs, or in the rest of the Bible." Pffffffft!
Anyway, Trump went on to explain at that time how the Bible is so terrific you want to read it over and over again, the way you watch the Star Wars movies or your favorite porno:
But the Bible is special. The Bible, the more you see it, the more you read it, the more incredible it is. And the more you, it’s like a great, I don’t like to use this analogy, but like a great movie, a great, incredible movie. You’ll see it once, it’ll be good. You’ll see it again. You can see it 20 times and every time you’ll appreciate it more. The Bible is the most special thing.
First time you see it? Just lovely. Second time? TERRIFIC. Twenty times? YOOOOOOOOGE.
Especially Two Corinthians, that shit's intense.