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Donald Trump when he's not wearing make-up.


Thursday afternoon, Donald Trump appeared to be reading from The Protocols of the Elders of Zion at his funtimes racism rally, telling the gathered deplorables that all the pussy-grabbing allegations against him were the product of an international Jew conspiracy of global Jew bankers, Jew Jew Jew. He didn't say, "Jew," of course, because that is not how anti-Semitic dogwhistles work. But according to the Wall Street Journal, the Trump campaign plans to 'splain that all these women coming forward are actually the result of an international MEXICAN BILLIONAIRE New World Order Jew conspiracy, to make it look like perfect gentleman Donald Trump grabs all the ladies by the pussy:

Donald Trump will broaden his attack against the media to hit globalism and the Clinton Foundation by charging that Mexican billionaire Carlos Slim is part of a biased coalition working in collusion with the Clinton campaign and its supporters to generate news reports of decades-old allegations from several women. [...]

As early as Friday, Mr. Trump is planning to claim that Mr. Slim, as a shareholder of New York Times Co. and donor to the Clinton Foundation, has an interest in helping Hillary Clinton’s campaign, according to a Trump adviser.

Attacking the Mexican billionaire would allow Mr. Trump to hit several targets. He could slam the “failing” New York Times, which he says had to be “rescued” by a “foreigner”—Mr. Slim, the adviser said.

Mr. Slim -- WHICH SOUNDS LIKE A CONSPIRACY NAME IF YOU ASK US -- told the Wall Street Journal through his spokesperson that "This is totally false," and Brian Fallon, Hillary Clinton's press secretary, called it a "deranged right-wing conspiracy." Then they probably took a bath together and drank champagne to celebrate how they are doing a secret global Mexi-Jewish conspiracy to make Donald Trump look like a pervert.

Now, it's possible that the Wall Street Journal be lyin' and Trump's alleged plans to blame it on a Mexican might be a liberal conspiracy story leaked by the Jews. We'll find out soon!

But for now, we have questions:

  • When did they start letting Mexican people into the global Illuminati Jewish media bankers group that's planning to take over the world? Whenever it was, we're glad to see they've updated their nondiscrimination policies!
  • Really, Trump?
  • When Donald Trump said Mexico wasn't sending its best, and that it was sending rapists and murderers, how did he forget to tell us they're also sending billionaires to manufacture women who lie about being pussy-grabbed by Trump?
  • No, seriously, Trump, this is your strategy? We know your dumb followers are remarkably stupid, but do you really think Susie Suburban Philadelphia Voter is going to be like, "Oh yes, I always suspected Donald Trump was being set up to look like a serial sex offender by a Mexican billionaire colluding with the New York Times, the media and also the Jews"? Has this been poll tested with Susie?
  • How long has this conspiracy been going on? Did Mexican billionaire Carlos Slim get to all these women before they were borned, to indoctrinate them to believe they were groped by Donald Trump, who would one day run for president of America against Hillary Clinton?
  • REALLY?
  • If in fact Trump did sex-slime all those women, was it because his hands were being controlled by Mexican billionaire Carlos Slim? Did Slim implant a pussy-grabbing chip in his tiny hands? Does a chip that small even exist?
  • No shit, that's what the Trump campaign has decided to go with 25 days before the election?
  • That's really mean of Carlos Slim to manufacture wild, fantastical stories about monogamous and loving Donald Trump that paint him as some kind of scummy rapey trashball. Is Trump going to sue Carlos Slim for damaging his "reputation," just like he says he wants to sue the New York Times for damaging his "reputation"?
  • THE FUCK?

OK, those are all our questions. We can't wait to find out the truth from the New World Order globalists who are doing this, and will from now on live in anxious anticipation of THE REAL TRUTH being published by Wikileaks.

[Wall Street Journal]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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