Donald Trump Was So Low-Energy Because Donald Trump Jr. Stole All His Coke

Hey, did you notice that Donald Trump seemed like he was on elephant tranquilizers during last night's Las Vegas presidential debate? You did? Did you notice he wasn't even sniffling? Low-energy, that guy. Total loser. Sad.

But someone did have some energy, and we will play him for you now!

Well, that was exhausting, wasn't it?

Look, we are not saying Donald Trump Jr. stole all his dad's coke. I mean, we said it in the headline but that was a joke.


Sure. A "joke."

We are just saying that when we did coke sometimes in college, never even very much because we were terrified of ODing and also all our friends made us go sit in our own closet with a piece of paper and a pen to write down all the things we wanted to tell them BUT WAIT YOU GUYS FIRST JUST THIS ONE LAST THING, um, well, it looked something like that. But with more "telling people all the things that were wrong with them" but in a LOVING WAY because WE CARED.

Anyway, we think Donald Trump Jr. might have been trying to make some points in there (were we able to pick "NATO" out of that hypersonic word stream?), but who can even tell, our earballs do not work that fast.


Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


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