Donald Trump Will Make It Illegal For #Rigged Media To Hurt His Feelings


The thin-skinned, spray-tanned Twitter monster known as Donald Trump has had it UP TO HERE! with everybody picking on him for being dumb and bad and racist and gropey and the worst. Continuing his downwardly spiraling campaign, he has now sent out a press release, to the #rigged press, saying he is going to punish the press by "break[ing] up the new media conglomerate oligopolies." Big words for a man with such tiny hands! Let's take a look at this dumb thing, signed by Peter Navarro, senior economic adviser to Trump:

Donald Trump will break up the new media conglomerate oligopolies that have gained enormous control over our information, intrude into our personal lives, and in this election, are attempting to unduly influence America’s political process.

"The very corporations that have gained from shipping America’s factories and jobs offshore are the very same media conglomerates now pushing Hillary Clinton’s agenda. She is the official candidate of the multinational ruling elite.

"NBC, and its Clinton megaphone MSNBC, were once owned by General Electric, a leader in offshoring factories to China. Now NBC has been bought by Comcast, which is specifically targeting the Chinese market – even as Comcast’s anchors and reporters at MSNBC engage in their Never Trump tactics.

"AT&T, the original and abusive 'Ma Bell' telephone monopoly, is now trying to buy Time Warner and thus the wildly anti-Trump CNN. Donald Trump would never approve such a deal because it concentrates too much power in the hands of the too and powerful few.

"The New York Times strings are being pulled by Mexico’s Carlos Slim, a billionaire who benefits from NAFTA and supports Hillary Clinton’s open border policies. Amazon, which controls the Washington Post, profits from the flow of illegally subsidized foreign products through its distribution channels. Lower costs mean higher margins -- no matter if bad trade deals lead to massive unemployment in America.

Gosh! Everybody is #inthetank for Hillary Clinton, and G.E. and AT&T and this one Mexican billionaire guy are in a conspiracy together to make Trump look like A Idiot. Weird!

Of course, we all remember how Trump famously said this year that when he is president -- here's your link to Nate Silver's election forecast, if you want to LOL at the notion of Trump becoming president -- he wants to "open up the libel laws" to make it so people can't make fun of him or hurt his feelings in print. How sad it must be to have such low self esteem and be a weak loser like Donald Trump!

Speaking of media companies doing Benghazi to poor Donald Trump's feelings, did everyone see Monday's New York Times?

Gosh, we guess the Times wasn't intimidated by Trump's whiny ass threatening to sue them for "libel," as if Trump even has a reputation to uphold.

Anyway, in the print edition, it covers TWO WHOLE PAGES. That mean Mexican billionaire Carlos Slim -- who has got to be feeling so strange, knowing that for no particular reason, Donald Trump is terrified of him -- is teasing Trump again! You can click here to read through it yourself, as it is exhaustive. Not only does it feature all the times Trump has insulted Hillary Clinton on Twitter, but it also includes other fun things, like when he cries about reporters and insults microphones that make him sound like a coke addict. Microphones is #RIGGED!

Anyway, none of this will happen when Trump is president, because Trump's Ministry Of Truth will make it against the law to hurt the pencil-dicked dictator's feelings, and all the TV stations will automatically redirect to Trump TV, which will be our state-run media, just like Trump's BFF Vladimir Putin has in Mother Russia. Won't that be great?

[Donald Trump's website / New York Times]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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