Donald Trump Will Murder Ninth Circuit, Because He Can't Law Good Or Do Other Stuff Good Too

The Ninth Circuit hurts his feelings!

Uh oh, weak and failing Donald Trump is doing TOUGH TALK again! In an interview with the Washington Examiner, he said he is "absolutely" open to bombing the shit out of the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals and killing its family, because it has a nasty habit of telling him to fuck off. OK, he doesn't literally want to bomb it or kill its family, but he says he wants to use presidential powers he doesn't have, to break it up:

"Absolutely, I have," Trump said of considering 9th Circuit breakup proposals during a far-ranging interview with the Washington Examiner at the White House. "There are many people that want to break up the 9th Circuit. It's outrageous."

"Everybody immediately runs to the 9th Circuit. And we have a big country. We have lots of other locations. But they immediately run to the 9th Circuit. Because they know that's like, semi-automatic," Trump said.

What his broken brain is trying to say is that, because the Ninth Circuit is known to have a liberal bent sometimes, people will file cases there, and sometimes those cases end with Donald Trump not being allowed to do whatever he wants, even though he stomped his feet and clapped his tiny hands and everything.

What's up Trump's ass (besides Vladimir Putin's hand) is that a district judge in San Francisco named William Orrick (A NOBUMMER APPOINTEE) issued a nationwide injunction against President Bannon's executive order threatening to take federal moneys from "sanctuary cities," i.e. the cities that are nice to Messicans, even ones here illegally.

Previously, the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals unanimously told Trump's first Muslim ban to eat three hundred dicks, and then a mean Hawaii judge told his NEW Muslim ban to pound sand. Unfair! Maybe Trump can build a wall around the whole Ninth Circuit and then deport it back to Mexico where it belongs!

Here, Trump explains why all these rulings are wrong and bad:

"The language could not be any clearer. I mean, the language on the ban, it reads so easy that a reasonably good student in the first grade will fully understand it. And they don't even mention the words in their rejection on the ban," Trump said. "And the same thing with this [sanctuary city decision]. I mean, when you have people that are being enabled to commit crime. And in San Francisco, when you look at Kate Steinle being shot and here is the court, you know, right in that same general area. And when you look at a Kate Steinle, when you look at so many other things." [...]

... [A]ll of our most talented people say sanctuary cities are a disaster."

All of Donald Trump's "most talented people" say that. Hahahahahahaha, we can't even make a joke about that, because he surrounds himself with fucking morons.

Anyway, his point is that one time a girl got murdered by an illegal Messican immigrant, which means all immigrants are bad. Why don't these judges understand that? Pfffffft, it's like they don't even know how to do logic with their brains.

Now, Republicans have made these threats about the Ninth Circuit before, because they hate how liberal and literate it is. But they haven't actually done it, and also they tend to forget to talk about halfway legitimate reasons there might be to break up the circuit, and accidentally end up sputtering about how it is totally liberal and gay. Back in 2016, a couple Republican senators introduced a bill to split it into two separate circuits, because you see, it is SO BIG, and cases take SO LONG, and also wink wink, are West Coast judges even American? But it didn't go anywhere.

But Trump is being especially the worst, because he's straight up saying, "That court is mean to me and won't let me do what I want, so I will break that court in the face." Tinpot dictator say what?

Of course, Trump is probably just being blustery and will change his mind within the next couple days. He's always saying things like "We're pulling out of NATO" and "We're pulling out of NAFTA" and "my campaign wasn't controlled by the Russians," and then, without fail, the opposite turns out to be true.

So we guess we'll just have to see if Trump tries to do something to make the Ninth Circuit go away, because it hurts his feelings. Until such time, we will assume he is talking out of his spray-tanned A-hole, like he always is.

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[Washington Examiner]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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