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Donald Trump's Birther Investigation Makes Sarah Palin All Hot & Bothered

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  • What do rich people do with their money, besides using it to pay taxes? (Haha, what taxes?) Well, we know what Donald Trump is wasting his fortune on, since he is a shameless exhibitionist: He has hired a crackerjack team of private investigators to find Barack Obama's real "bird certificate," which your Wonkette has had for quite some time now. Sarah Palin has words of encouragement for Donald, obviously: "More power to him. He’s not just throwing stones, you know — from the sidelines. He’s digging in there." Indeed! And although Palin claims that our president was born right here, in Freedomland, she also hints that Obama is hiding something. Something sinister! That his real father is Malcolm X? Or maybe a Marxist space lizard? Who knows! You would think that Donald Trump would have some sort of duty to his shareholders -- you know, to make them money, instead of hiring research interns to browse Geocities-Freeper message boards all day long. (Donald Trump is not your ordinary businessman, since he is actually a business failure who enjoys "roasting" his celebrity clown friends on Comedy Central, or something.) Anyway, Donald Trump is creating jobs. Yay! [The Hill]
  • A skirmish between demonstrators and the Egyptian army left one dead and dozens wounded in Cairo's Tahrir Square. Remember when the Egyptian army was supposedly pro-democracy, and refused to shoot protesters? Yeah. That's not how military juntas work. [McClatchy]


  • A magnitude 6.6 earthquake terrorized Japan, causing mudslides and fires. [CNN]

  • Also: Multiple tornadoes tore through eleven towns and cities in western Iowa on Saturday. Good gravy. Please stay safe, everyone! [Des Moines Register]

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Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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Roger Stone, you got some 'splainin' to do, Mister! Remember all those times Stone swore on his Nixon tattoo that he never had any contact with Russians, wasn't a campaign surrogate, and wasn't tipped off to stolen DNC emails in advance? Like that time he told the Washington Post:

"I've never been to Russia. I didn't talk to anybody who was identifiably Russian during the two-year run-up to this campaign," he said. "I very definitely can't think of anybody who might have been a Russian without my knowledge. It's a canard."

Stone told the House Intelligence Committee the same thing last September, but, LOL FUNNY STORY! Seems that Stone just plum forgot about that time in May, 2016 when Trump communications advisor Michael Caputo asked him to meet with Henry Greenberg, "a man with a Make America Great Again hat and a viscous Russian accent." The Washington Post reports, Greenberg was offering sexxxxy Russian dirts on Hillary Clinton, which Stone and Caputo were only too happy to grab by the pussy. But they just couldn't get there!

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