Donald Trump's Got A Fever, And The Only Prescription Is MORE GOLF
Donald Trump was elected by Americans who couldn't stand Barack Obama and his terrible abuses of office, like telling innocent children to work hard in school, killing grandma by giving people health insurance, and worst of all, golfing all the damn time, even during a health crisis. Because there is a tweet for everything, here's Trump complaining about Obama golfing while Ebola was not ravaging America at all:
President Obama has a major meeting on the N.Y.C. Ebola outbreak, with people flying in from all over the country, but decided to play golf!— Donald J. Trump (@Donald J. Trump)1414122849.0
There was no "outbreak" of Ebola in New York City, it was one doctor, Craig Spencer, who was diagnosed with the disease after returning from treating patients in Guinea. Spencer recovered, and recently made it back into the news after detailing on Twitter how stressful the coronavirus outbreak — which really is an outbreak — has been for doctors in New York.
And to bring things full circle, the Secret Service seems to be gearing up for a busy summer of Donald Trump golfing, as the Washington Post's David Fahrenthold reports. The Secret Service signed a contract this week to rent a whole bunch of golf carts in Sterling, Virginia, which happens to be where Trump's "Trump National Golf Club Washington DC" is located. The contract, for $45,000, will cover a fleet of golf carts through September, which the agency said were needed to protect a "dignitary," but that probably means Trump anyway.
The Post is very careful not to say any of this means Trump is planning to go golfing during the pandemic, because that information hasn't been confirmed. Instead, Fahrenthold sticks to the verifiable facts, because neither the White House nor the Secret Service is talking.
The new contract, which the Secret Service described as an "emergency order," does not mention Trump or the golf club by name. But it closely mirrors past contracts signed by the Secret Service, for agents accompanying Trump to his golf clubs in New Jersey and Florida [...]
Secret Service spokeswoman Cathy Milhoan said in a statement that she could not comment about Trump's schedule or travel. She said the "emergency" referred to in the document was not a security emergency: "Rather, the term was used to signal a need for expedited handling of the procurement due to deadlines within the agency's business processes."
Gosh, that sure sounds like the government could use its powers to make a private business prioritize a contract, which is something Trump has avoided doing for medical equipment that's in short supply. Guess that means the company that rented out the 30 golf carts, Capitol Golf Cars and Utility Vehicles, has been "nationalized."
Fahrenthold notes that Trump's last known golf outing was on March 8, at his club in West Palm Beach, Florida, and that he appears not to have played since then. That would have been five days before Trump declared the pandemic a national emergency, but well after Trump's late-February decision to tell Mike Pence to make the virus go away already.
Trump's two favorite spots for golf weekends (where he works oh so hard), his Florida and New Jersey trash palaces, are closed now. But happily for the Great Man, his Virginia golf course remains open despite a general stay-at-home order from Gov. Ralph Northam, as Fahrenthold explains:
But that order allows golf courses to remain open, as long as golfers stay six feet apart.
At Trump's Virginia club, located along the Potomac River 30 miles west of Washington, members have been instructed not to share golf carts, and not to touch the flag stick or sand-trap rakes, according to emails sent by club management. The club even added foam pieces in the holes themselves, so the ball doesn't fall all the way down — and require golfers to reach in.
"Do not gather in groups around the Clubhouse," the club's general manager, Kevin Morris, wrote to members Monday in an email obtained by The Post. He added: "Golf is an excellent avenue for exercise, camaraderie and provides a much-needed distraction."
Again, there's no word on when Trump intends to start golfing again; we're sure advisers are telling him what a bad look it would be, and we're equally sure he's pouting about it. We'd like to doubt he would rush right out and golf after this week's projections that 100,000 Americans dying would be an awesome result, or today's unemployment report, but this is Donald Trump. As Fahrenthold notes, the Secret Service has so far spent $420,000 on golf cart rentals during his presidency, so why not a little more? At least most of that golf cart money goes to non-Trump companies, so hooray for economic stimulus.
He may just decide the hell with it, this dumb lockdown has lasted too long and he needs to be free, and it would be a shame to let the Secret Service's fine prep work go to waste. And even if he does go golfing, the only problem his supporters would see is those America-hating Democrats saying mean things about it.
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Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.