Donald Trump's Idiot Advisers Have Plan To Help Him Win Next Debate, Ayup, You Betcha!

doesn't have the temperament for winning

We are 41 days from the election, and the first debate has come and gone, with all sentient beings labeling it a disastrous failure for Donald Trump. In other words, Trump trumped all over that trumpy debate, and it was just as much of a success as his business ventures, his marriages, and his hairdo. It was pathetic. His debate performance had tiny hands. His debate performance was unnaturally sexually attracted to its own daughter. It was weak and sad and it smelled of dead river rat anus.

BUT THERE IS HOPE! According to the New York Times -- and for once, we must say we feel sorry for all three journalists who had to write this up -- Trump's advisers have a plan to Make Trump Great Again For The First Time In His life, if only baby will shut up, suck on his pacifier and commit to the hard work of learning things and practicing and controlling his temper and not being such a fuck-up.

Yes, the New York Times is having to write THIS about the Republican nominee, again, 41 days out from the election:

Campaign advisers to Donald J. Trump, concerned that his focus and objectives had dissolved during the first presidential debate on Monday, plan to more rigorously prepare him for his next face­off with Hillary Clinton by drilling the Republican nominee on crucial answers, facts and counterattacks, and by coaching him on ways to whack Mrs. Clinton on issues even if he is not asked about them.

They want to teach him the things about the things, BUT ...

Whether he is open to practicing meticulously is a major concern, however, according to some of these advisers and others close to Mr. Trump.

His own people don't even know whether they can get Captain Fuckbrain to apply himself for the hard work of beating somebody like Hillary Clinton, who is smarter than he is, and also has #studyskills.

A delicate approach to the candidate is now in the works.

Oh for Christ's sake. First they have to let the cranky, hungry baby nurse (preferably on an Eastern European model whose name may or may not be "Melania"), then they have to burp him, then they have to give him his binky, then campaign manager Kellyanne Conway has to attempt to change his diaper several times, because he sprays her EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN TIME, like a typical baby boy, and then ...

Before his advisers can shape Mr. Trump’s performance for the next debate, on Oct. 9 in St. Louis — which, contrary to speculation, he does plan to attend, a top aide said — they need to convince him that he can do better than he did in the first one ...

Even as Mr. Trump’s advisers publicly backed him on Tuesday and praised his debate performance, they were privately awash in second­ guessing about why he stopped attacking Mrs. Clinton on trade and character issues and instead grew erratic, impatient and subdued as the night went on.

Because he's a thin-skinned moron who's unqualified to wipe his own ass, that's why.

In interviews, seven campaign aides and advisers, most of whom sought anonymity to speak candidly, expressed frustration and discouragement over their candidate’s performance Monday night. They blamed his overstuffed schedule, including a last ­minute rally in Virginia that was added days before the debate.

Maybe he doesn't have the stamina to run for president. Has anyone checked into Trump's health lately? Has the Viagra prescription run out? Nope, stickin' with the thing we said about him being unqualified to wipe his own ass.

They blamed the large number of voluble people on his prep team, including two retired military figures with no political background.

Yep, all you Trump advisers ARE dumb as gunnysacks full of goat shit. Tell us something we didn't know.

And they blamed the lack of time spent on preparing a game plan in the first place.

Knew that.

So is this going to work? Are they going to figure out a strategy and make him practice? Are they going to be able to adequately explain that Trump lost because he was a woefully unprepared loser? Do they all have clear heads about the tasks ahead of them?

Almost all of his advisers rejected the idea that the debate was a failure for Mr. Trump ...

Have fun winning the next debate, Hillary!

[New York Times]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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