Don't Go Away Mad, Dave Brat. JUST GO AWAY.
Far be it from us to call Virginia Congressman Dave Brat a liar. But his relationship with the truth is a bit ... complicated. For a good cause, he might tell a wee fib. And sometimes, he does get a little out in front of his skis.
AH, SCREW IT. This guy is more full of shit than a herd of constipated elephants! Look at this asshole right here.
Simmer down, Snowflake! We know the GOP playbook is thin, but you can't always run the LOOK AT ME, I'M THE REAL VICTIM play.
Dave Brat cruised to victory in 2016, but managed to royally piss off his constituents by immediately attacking healthcare. Faced with mounting criticism, Brat famously complained that hysterical women were "in my grill no matter where I go." Because Dave Brat is from the neighborhood, fellas, so he's hip to all that jive lingo.
And when he hosted town halls, constituents just shouted mean words as he patiently tried to explain the sacred beauty of taking personal responsibility for your pre-existing condition and dying because you can't buy insurance. Or going bankrupt! Because if there's one thing the House Freedom Caucus supports, it's the freedom to choose your own horrible outcome. WaPo reports,
"I like talking to people, I used to have town halls all the time, it was all fine and dandy, and then — once President Trump won — boom!" Brat complained to the gathering at the Midlothian country club.
Brat described one town hall as a "debauchery fest" at which "the crowd is booing the preacher while he's praying, launching f-bombs. . . . I started a sentence, couldn't speak."
Guys, save some debauchery for November 6 when Abigail Spanberger kicks this whiner to the curb! With votes! Because -- CLUTCH THE PEARLS -- Brat is lying his ass off when he says Spanberger shouted him down.
Here she is answering "yes" in answer to a question posed to the crowd at one of Brat's last town halls in May of 2017.
Here she is censoring poor Dave Brat with a menacing head shake.
Oh, noes! Not the dreaded one-handed-clap-on-leg-while-note-taking maneuver. Anything but that!
Even by today's low, low standards, this ad is some weak shit. Dave Brat is being "shouted down" because his opponent agreed that we ought to raise taxes to fund social programs, when he directly asked? REALLY?
Listen here, Dave! Abigail Spanberger is a former covert CIA agent and Girl Scout Troop Leader. And in four weeks she's going to get her Democratic Asswhupper Badge for disappearing your political career. So buy a box of Thin Mints and take a hike, ya whiner!
Yours in Scouting,
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Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.