Doug Collins BIG MAD About Coming To Work Today. Impeachment Vote Liveblog!
One of the grossest and most special features of the impeachment of Donald Trump is that Doug Collins, the carnival barker auctioneer redneck from Georgia, is the ranking member on the House Judiciary Committee. And he did not want to come to work this morning.
If you had the TV on last night, you saw that Congress worked late last night marking up the articles of impeachment. In fact they worked so late that Chairman Jerry Nadler decided, you know what, fuck it, let's recess and come back in the morning to actually vote the articles out of committee.
Did we say Collins was mad? He was BIG MAD.
"You've just blown up schedules for everyone" said Rep. Douglas A. Collins (Ga.). "This is the kangaroo court we're talking about."
Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Tex.) called the decision "Stalinesque."
Typical Stalin. He was always like "Let's do some more democracy at 10 a.m. tomorrow!"
Collins was big mad because Republicans had important places to go today, but all of a sudden mean Jerry Nadler was like "DURRRRRR COME TO WORK!" So rude and unfair.
But you see, they weren't actually supposed to work that late last night, and it was the Republicans who dragged it on and on and on and on and on and on:
A Democratic aide refuted the notion that there was any agreement to have a vote this evening. But behind the scenes sources pointed out how both sides originally agreed to finish by 5 p.m. Thursday – and the GOP changed its mind at the last minute and dragged the hearing out, ruining Democrats' plans. Democrats dished it back, in a way.
Please enjoy these videos of Collins calling the impeachment hearing "bush league" and "words cannot describe" and WHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE, and also Louie Gohmert calling it "Stalinesque," because of how they all had to come to work today. They must have had something important on their Friday schedules, like maybe Doug and Louie were going to get a couples massage or something.
The historic vote to impeach Donald Trump right the fuck outta the House Judiciary Committee is about to start. Let's watch and liveblog together, even though Doug Collins and Louie Gohmert are VERY SLEEPY and probably missing a big sale at the Big Lots that's only going today and once it's Saturday the sale goes away, and now they'll NEVER get the Duck Dynasty Easy-Bake Oven they've been dreaming of this Christmas. (We do not think there are Duck Dynasty-branded Easy-Bake Ovens, we are just treason kidding.)
LIVE at 9:45 a.m. ET | House Judiciary Committee to vote on Trump impeachment articles www.youtube.com
10:06: Oh wow, they got right to it, no shenanigans!
They are voting on the first article, which is all Trump's massive Ukraine election-stealing crimes. All the Democrats voted for it, and all the Republicans have voted no, except Louie Gohmert, who said "MAH VOTE IZZ NO!" And then Louie Gohmert asked how his vote was recorded because "I wanted to make sure." You know how Democrats always do lies when they count votes.
And now to the obstruction of Congress!
10:10: And they did the same for the obstruction vote! History made, the House Judiciary Committee voted articles of impeachment against Donald Trump out of committee. Doug Collins looked BIG MAD.
Jim Jordan voted no, but he nodded yes.
Also Martha Roby had a child we assume is hers on her lap, because we guess it was "Bring your kid to work so he can watch Mommy go down in history as the protector of a criminal president" day in the Republican Caucus.
It's nice to have holiday events for kids, in Congress!
And that is that! Shortest liveblog EVER!
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