Dr. Birx Accepts That You’ll Never Stop Reminding Her About The Goddamn Bleach
Dr. Deborah Birx had a respectable career before she served as the former White House squatter's COVID-19 response coordinator, but now, whenever she gives an interview, she can't escape the question, “Why did you stand there and let that fool talk about injecting people with bleach?"
During an appearance Monday on ABC News Live's “The Breakdown," Dr. Birx was able to talk about vaccines for about two minutes before host Terry Moran brought up the “staggering number" of coronavirus deaths, which we all know is because the one-term loser was overtly anti-mask, anti-science, and anti-life.
MORAN: There's going to be a historical reckoning about why the United States was so different from other countries, did so poorly. You were right there.
Yes, she was! Dr. Birx said there's a combination of factors behind those piss-poor results, and she's "still reflecting on that" herself. This is what working for that jackass will do to you. She's a medical doctor but now she's gone full existential. She might as well wear a French beret while pondering whether life has any meaning at all.
DR. BIRX: I'm trying to figure out why a country that was so good in those 45 days to slow the spread, really protected their loved ones, stayed inside, followed the messaging, and then in May, just opened up without following the criteria.
The “country" really dropped the ball, didn't it? Our so-called commander-in-chief got bored with the pandemic in April and actively undermined responsible Democratic governors with idiotic tweets declaring, "LIBERATE MINNESOTA," “LIBERATE MICHIGAN," and “LIBERATE VIRGINIA." He let federal guidelines for social distancing expire in May, ignoring warnings from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. He insisted that "we have to get our country open, and we have to get it open soon," because all that mattered to him was his re-election prospects. Sociopaths were running the show, and the result has been 535,227 dead Americans.
Moran correctly noted that this was all a failure of leadership at the top. Dr. Birx agreed and gushed over how wonderful it was to have President Joe Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris (sorry, Mike Pence) at the helm. Everyone's on message. No one's pushing snake oil miracle cures.
Dr. Birx did try to get a science-based message out to governors, mayors, and health care professionals on the down low, but the one-term loser cast a large, contagious shadow. Moran brought up the infamous bleach incident, which is probably like her own Hell loop.
MORAN: I'm thinking about that press conference where the [one-term loser] is talking about disinfectant, injecting people, and ultraviolet light and stuff like that. When you heard [him] say things that weren't true, contradicting the science, how did you think about your role in that? And how did you think it impacted the American people and their confidence in the science we need to solve so many problems.
Dr. Birx responded that there's a lot of video of the bleach incident, and you could “see how extraordinarily uncomfortable" she was. She's right! Let's take another look.
The poor woman was a colonel in the Army and now she's a meme. Everything that asshole touches dies, including professional reputations.
DR. BIRX: I've spent almost 30 years in the military ... Those of you who have served in the military know that there are discussions you have in private with your commanding officers and there's discussions you had in public.
At least on Star Trek, whenever a commanding officer starts talking crazy like they're possessed by aliens, the ship's physician immediately relieves them of duty. They're not shy about invoking the Federation's version of the 25th Amendment.
Dr. Birx admitted she didn't know how to handle the bleach incident, but she thinks about it every day, which is just depressing. She's right that she couldn't just run up on stage and stop the madness. She wasn't trained to manage a mentally defective president, which is why it's literally life-saving that we no longer have one.
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Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes reviews for the A.V. Club and make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."