"Fox & Friends" has been trending on Twitter today, as it often does. Usually we don't pay that much attention, because we figure Brian Kilmeade probably just somehow managed to accidentally get an opossum glued to his penis or something, and ain't nobody got time for that.

But today, it was because Dr. Anthony Fauci went on for an interview with the idiot couch, and oh boy, did he make them uncomfortable.

Fox News idiots have been pushing the malaria drug hydroxychloroquine as a miracle cure for the novel coronavirus for a while now, because Donald Trump has been pushing it as a miracle cure, while acknowledging that maybe it won't work. This led a couple in Arizona to eat fish tank cleaner with a similar name, and the husband died. The FDA has approved hydroxychloroquine and chloroquine to treat coronavirus, but not in the "this is the cure!" kind of way. What they approved was prescribing it "off label," which means it's a drug that's approved for something else (in this case it's an anti-malarial that's already been proven effective for rheumatoid arthritis and lupus), but they're saying it's OK for doctors to try it to treat coronavirus.

Which brings us to this morning's "Fox & Friends." The "Steve Doocy" dipshit referenced a "worldwide study" that found "37 percent of doctors" believed hydroxychloroquine was "THE most effective treatment against COVID-19." And just an hour ago, Doocy said, Dr. Oz was on "Fox & Friends," and let's play a clip of known World's Best Doctor Dr. Oz asking Dr. Fauci to say his opinion about a Chinese study on the wonder drug!

Fauci asked with a straight face, "You want my response to that?" OH YES HE DID. Because really, you want Dr. Fauci to respond to a medical question from Dr. Oz? Goddamn.

And then the murders began.


Fauci continued:

FAUCI: Yeah, I mean ... so ... that was not a very robust study. It is still possible that there is a beneficial effect, but the study that was just quoted, on a scale of strength of evidence, that's not overwhelmingly strong. It's an indication. A hint of it.

And then more murders began:

FAUCI: But getting back to what you said just a moment ago, that X percent, I think you said 37 percent of doctors, FEEL that it's beneficial. We don't operate on how you FEEL. We operate on what evidence is, and what data is. So although there is some suggestion with the study that was just mentioned by Dr. Oz -- I mean, granted that there is a suggestion that there is a benefit there. I think we've gotta be careful that we don't make that majestic leap to assume that this is a knock-out drug.

Fauci is not mad that Fox News is very hopeful about the magic elixir. He is just a fucking scientist, that is all.

Brian Kilmeade chimed in — couldn't tell if there was an opossum stuck to his dick or not — but he just wanted to add his medical two cents. You see, he is just VERY CURIOUS if anybody who was already taking hydroxychloroquine for lupus or arthritis has gotten coronavirus, and you could tell Brian Kilmeade is pretty sure they haven't, not that he knows, OW, OW, POSSUM ON BRIAN KILMEADE'S DICK JUST BIT HIM, ALLEGEDLY, OW, OW!

Fauci halfway agreed with Brian Kilmeade out of courtesy.

But he also noted that the "one thing we don't want to happen is that individuals who really need a drug with a proven indication don't have it available." And surprise, that is already happening, where people already prescribed these drugs for proven reasons are having trouble getting prescriptions filled.

Ainsley Earhardt had some weird comment about "Democratic leaders" hiding the chloroquine from people and not letting them have it, whatever, STFU. Anyway, it went on and on like that.

In other Dr. Fauci news, he went on CNN last night and said that he cannot figure out why the fuck every state in America is not under a full stay-at-home order. He didn't get into the whole question of whether Trump should issue a federal order, but he made his point. Also, the Washington Post reported Wednesday that Fauci is facing lots of death threats, and also "unwelcome communications from fervent admirers," and that the government has had to give him extra security. So that's awesome. The single most credible expert in the Trump administration is dealing with threats to his personal safety, we guess because of right-wing conspiracy theorist coronavirus truthers who think he's the Deep State. Awesome.

And also because "fervent admirers" are sending him boner pics and O-face videos, we guess. PSA: If you or anyone you love is sending Dr. Fauci boner pics, please stop. The man is busy.

In conclusion, Dr. Fauci says fuck your feelings, and Wonkette says if that opossum stays glued to Brian Kilmeade's peenrocket for more than four hours, ALLEGEDLY, he should call a doctor, but not Dr. Oz, that guy is a fucking quack.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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