Dr. Oz Is Gross And Weird And Bad

Who wants to watch a clip of Dr. Oz saying really weird and gross and bad things to Sean Hannity about how it would be "appetizing" to go ahead and re-open the schools, since he read a thing in a medical journal that said maybe only two or three percent more people will die if we do that?

What, does that not sound like what you'd like to do right now? Sucks for you, here it is:

"I tell you, schools are a very appetizing opportunity," [said Oz]. "I just saw a nice piece in The Lancet arguing that the opening of schools may only cost us 2 to 3 percent, in terms of total mortality. And, you know, any life is a life lost, but to get every child back into a school where they're safely being educated, being fed and making the most out of their lives, with a theoretical risk on the back side, that might be a tradeoff some folks would consider."

"Schools are a very appetizing opportunity," said Dr. Oz, who is gross. "We need to get our mojo back," Dr. Oz also told Hannity, because that is a thing very real doctors say.

Now, a lot of people on the internet are interpreting this, incorrectly we believe, as Dr. Oz saying only two to three percent of kids would die. We feel comfortable saying they are wrong, because we Googled and found the piece in The Lancet we think he's referring to, and it says a study found that closing schools in the UK would only reduce coronavirus deaths by two to four percent.

So bully for Dr. Oz, he is not that much of a monster.

EVEN SO, this is still gross and fucking weird. Because he IS saying that a "nice piece" in The Lancet told him, nicely, that we can get some "mojo" by letting the kids go back to school and "only" have two or three percent of Americans die. On the other hand, maybe he merely means a two to three percent higher death count, as opposed to two to three percent of all Americans?

On the other hand, he says "in terms of total mortality," which would imply that he's talking about the American population as a whole. So, you know, only somewhere between 6.5 and 10 million American deaths.

Honestly, Oz is wranglefucking the statistic from The Lancet so much to fit his propaganda needs, it's really hard to tell what he means. We're giving him every benefit of the doubt we can find and he still looks like a fucking idiot and a monster.

Point is, Oz wants to let us pile up some more dead American human lives, but it's fine because those bodies, once they're temporarily kicked into a mass grave or something, will be replaced by America making like a common Stella and getting her groove back! How is that not a good tradeoff? And if some of those two to three percent are your Nana, well, that's just the price we have to pay.

It's just the "lesser of two evils," after all, like Indiana GOP Rep. Trey Hollingsworth said! No big deal.

By the way, Dr. Oz went back on Fox News and said he is very sorry for the gross things he said to Hannity, claiming he "misspoke."

Uh huh, whatever.

It's a death cult it's a death cult it's a death cult Fox News and the GOP are a death cult what the fuck is wrong with these people it's a death cult.

The end.


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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