Dr. Oz Is The Sex Robot Candidate For Pennsylvania Senate

Americans have shared a collective chorus of laughter over Dr. Mehmet Oz’s absurd crudités-shopping video. Chefs have weighed in on his questionable choices, such as apparently pairing a head of broccoli with chunky salsa. Dr. Oz’s opponent in the Pennsylvania Senate race, Democratic Lt. Gov. John Fetterman, is already fundraising off the “Let Them Eat Crudités” moment.

So, once again, we’re wondering why anyone thought Dr. Oz was a serious candidate for Senate from anywhere, least of all Pennsylvania. The guy’s what professional political consultants call a “total weirdo.” Donald Trump’s celebrity persona, particularly while hosting “The Apprentice,” might’ve convinced average Americans that he knew how to run a business (he didn’t), but let’s take a quick trip through Dr. Oz’s TV history. It’s bonkers.

A February 2018 episode of "The Dr. Oz Show” has a segment on exorcisms. It’s like the "World of Psychics" show from Ghostbusters 2, but Dr. Peter Venkman is a lovable huckster. Also, ghosts and demons actually exist in his world. Dr. Oz presumably lives in our reality. Dr. Oz moderated a debate between loons who believe in exorcisms and people with nothing better to do than argue with them.


Dr. Oz also explored the so-called "Rise of Sex Robots!” You don’t need a medical degree to correctly diagnose the creepiness. Dr. Oz’s guest was engineer Douglas Hines, founder and president of True Companion, which builds full-size interactive sex dolls. I did enough research to confirm that Hines is a real person and not a professional Hannibal Lecter impersonator. Hines insisted his masterpiece, Roxxxy, isn’t just for fucking but she "can carry on a discussion and expresses her love to you. She can talk to you, listen to you and feel your touch.” We don’t want to know how he knows this.

Dr. Oz broached the disturbing subject of people buying sex robots that resemble their exes. Hines reassured the audience that you can’t use the likeness of someone who’s alive without their permission, however ....

HINES: Another opportunity is if someone had someone who passed.

Oh, sweet Christ.

HINES: We’ve had this happen.

Please stop.

HINES: This gentleman’s wife passed away, and he was very lonely, because it was his wife, we were able to create a likeness of her.

Wait ... she still didn’t consent. She’s just dead. Dr. Oz conducted a highly scientific, spontaneous poll of the audience to see how many people approved of robot necrophilia. This shocked him, as he apparently thought the results would “be more split.” This clearly makes him out-of-step with the average voter from, well, any state.


Dr. Oz asked Hines if he was worried that people would replace “true human intimacy — something that’s so vital to who you are — with a robotic imitation.” Obviously, Hines wasn’t because he’s fucking insane, but Dr. Oz remained optimistic: “I don’t think for now it could be the same, but with brilliant people like you become so darn close that humans could go either way.”

The campaign ad writes itself: “Dr. Oz holds out hope for nationwide robot fucking.” Anyone who was in the same room with Dr. Frankenstein here can hardly judge Fetterman for palling around with Bernie Sanders.

You might’ve thought Dr. Oz just pushed snake oil remedies and fad diets on his show, but no, he found time for sex robots! (Roxxy was built in New Jersey and is probably still a resident, so she unfortunately can’t vote for Dr. Oz.) But it wasn’t all Jerry Springer hijinks. Dr. Oz did host an episode devoted to cryotherapy as an anti-aging treatment. He’d once had a woman guest get into a giant freezer/toilet to test extreme cold as a form of pain management, but Dr. Oz was apparently willing to strip down to his underwear in the later installment because eternal youth was an option.

He once again polled the audience, which was up for him risking his life. They did drive all the way to the studio. This is an example of the dumbest form of democracy. My favorite part is when Dr. Oz repeatedly said, “It’s cold!” while entering the literal cold machine. This is the level of wisdom and medical know-how that he’s offering Pennsylvania voters.


Follow Stephen Robinson on Twitter.

Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons.

Yr Wonkette is 100 percent ad-free! Please subscribe, donate, and otherwise help keep us alive and kicking!

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. Once, he wrote a novel called “Mahogany Slade,” which you should read or at least buy. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."


How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc