Dumb Duggar Kids Will Refund Your 'Missionary' Donations If You Promise Not To Tell Jesus
Sexytime Jesus Vacation. Also, Duggar boy? We can see yr D-I-K in that picture.
We know very little about what Jill Duggar Dillard and her husband Meth-Eyes "Derick" Duggar Dillard have been doing in Central America, if that's even where they REALLY ARE. There has been much Intrigue! Are they really in El Salvador, buttering up the locals with the Word Of The Lord so they'll be good and ready for Jesus to diddle them in their soul parts? Are they just sunning their Duggar bodies, trying to stay out of America, far, far away from gross Josh and HIS diddling ways? Are they just taking their dumbass fans' moneys and jet-setting, Duggar-style, from Amy Duggar's wedding to the TLC studios, and then back to El Salvador to pick up some more drugs for the cartel, allegedly because we just made it up? NOBODY KNOWS, but it would be journalistic malpractice if we didn't wildly and irresponsibly speculate about what those two are doing. ARE THEY SEXING THE DEVIL DURING AYAHUASCA CEREMONIES IN THE AMAZON? Who can say!
Regardless, skepticism from the fans seems to have caught up with them, as InTouch Weekly reports that the dirty sidehuggers have quietly and innocently added a "request a refund" option to the donation page funding their "ministries." Isn't that nice? If you feel your money has been improperly used to buy sex rehab for the gross Duggar brother, here's your $25 back! If you worry that Jill has gotten worried about the perpetually birthing state of her mother Michelle's hoo-nanny and has been using it for condoms that will NEVER GET USED, you just put that $10 right back in your bank account! If the idea of Jill kidnapping her sister-in-law Anna in the night (by private plane, natch) to take her to a divorce attorney and a Planned Parenthood far, far away so she can get her what-what checked out for yuck-yucks her gross husband mighta stuck in there, STOP RIGHT NOW, DUGGAR FAN, DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT TAKE THAT DONATION BACK. Anna needs it, and so does Jesus.
Of course, InTouch ALSO points out that it's just an option to ask for your moneys back. It's not like the Duggar-Dillards are ceasing and desisting from soul-winning without the proper license, like they're even doing that in the first place, PFFFFFFFT. We all know they're getting drunk on tequila and doing body shots off each other's Duggar bodies. (OR ARE THEY?)
Maybe they really are doing missionary work. Or maybe that's just what they call the only sex position Michelle Duggar ever taught them, when she was reading them her updated blog posts about How To Fuck Your Man, Do The Dishes, And Homeschool A Whole Litter Of Duggar-lings At The Same Time! (Subtitle: "You're A Whore, Anna Duggar, And A Bad Wife!")
Or maybe, you know, the thing about making love to Satan in the Amazon rainforest. They're doing SOMETHING, those Duggar kids. We just don't know what. (OR DO WE?)
[InTouch / Dillard Family Ministries Donation Page]
Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.
Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.