Dumb Florida Rednecks Don’t Give A Sh*t, Gonna Hoist Them Stars And Bars
Perhaps you remember that unfortunate incident in South Carolina last month — you know, when that racist, Confederate-flag-waving shit-for-brains kid shot up a black church for being so very black and stealing the women he couldn’t get and whatever — and the world was like, hey, maybe having a century-old symbol of sedition and treason and slavery flying proudly above our state capitol maybe sends the wrong message? Sure you do. Even South Carolina, which, along with Alabama and Mississippi and, shit, the rest of the Deep South, rivals Florida for stupidity (rivals, not beats out), has figured this out.
EVEN SOUTH CAROLINA! (Uh, most of them, anyway.)
Well, let is introduce you Marion County, Florida, population Who Gives A Shit?, which is somewhere between Orlando and Jacksonville and the North Florida Prison-Industrial Complex — doesn’t matter, really, you’re not going there anytime soon — and which, as an almost-lifelong Floridian we can say with absolute certainty, there is NEVER any reason to visit. Trust us.
Like good and decent and totally Not-Racist human beings, last week a Marion County administrator decided, um, you know that big old racist flag that has flown high above the county government building for the last few decades, ever since the gubmint made our kids go to school with The Negroes? Yeah, maybe we should take that down. See, all these Yankees had been yammering lies about how racist the Confederacy was and how the whole Civil War was fought over slavery — AS IF! — and maybe it didn’t behoove a county that has, you know, black people in it to be seen displaying a symbol of sedition and hate.
This is Florida. Guess what happened next.
Marion County commissioners voted unanimously Tuesday to put the Confederate flag back up at the county's government complex.
They were, of course (FLORIDA!), responding to popular demand (by IDIOTS):
Several members of the public spoke in favor of restoring the flag during the commission’s bi-monthly meeting on Tuesday morning. At the end of the meeting, the commission unanimously agreed to restore the flag.
Unanimous, because how could anyone possibly see the problem? (You will no doubt be shocked to learn that this fabulous panel is white as ivory.)
Within minutes of Tuesday morning's vote, the Civil War-era flag was seen flying once again outside the government complex as one of the five national flags which have flown over Florida since European explorers first landed on its shores more than 500 years ago. The other four are Spanish, French, British and American flags.
See, kids. History, not hate. Or maybe a history of hate. Or maybe let’s never speak of Marion County again.