Dumb Gay-Basher Gets Dumb Ass Handed To Him By Gay-Married West Point Ninjas
Would you look at that adorable couple? That is Daniel and Larry Lennox-Choate, and they are dudes who are so gay for each other that they decided to get married at their alma mater, which is, ahem, WEST POINT. They were the first gay couple to do that, in 2013! And well, we guess they've been living happily ever after since then, except for this one unfortunate incident this past Sunday, when, as they were shopping at the bodega in SoHo (probably assessing the quality of various fruits and vegetables, in order to prepare THE perfect Sunday dinner), some fuckin' asshole decided to start hurling anti-gay obscenities at Daniel, pictured on the right. Then, according to the New York Daily News, he punched Daniel.
BAD IDEA. Remember how we just said "West Point"? So Larry was like, "Oh look that guy just punched my gay husband, so I guess I will have to use my West Point gay ninja skills to defend him, because I love him and he has ninja skills too, IN BED." And that is exactly what happened, according to Larry's Facebook:
It's hard to believe that in 2015 we would have to deal with anti-gay hate crimes in soho of all places but that's what happened today. First off- we're ok. Aside from one fat lip and a sore punching arm, we are fine. The guy who screamed anti-gay obscenities at us in a bodega before sucker-punching Danny? He left covered in his own blood with his tail between his legs after I handled the situation and tossed him in the street like the coward loser he is. The hate crimes division of the NYPD is on the case and we have full faith a positive outcome will follow. We refuse to be victims and are thankful we can defend ourselves, but are saddened by the fact that idiots like this guy might not pick two guys who went through Plebe Boxing next time.
So, Public Service Announcement for gay-bashers: All that stuff you tell yourselves about how you're the Real Men, and gays are just a bunch of pussies you can use as punching bags, in order to make up for the fact that you wake up every single goddamned day of your lives feeling like dickless failures? You should know that it's not true, sadface. Some of us went to West Point. Many more are in the military, or we're the po-lice. Many of us work out, bro, and we lift more than you do. SOME OF US PACK HEAT! (Especially in the South and in the West and at the NRA Convention probably, when they even allow guns at their conventions, which sometimes they don't. Wouldn't know, gay NRA members are losers just like all other NRA members, and that is the true definition of equality.)
So next time you're in the bodega in Soho -- how you found your way there, heaven only knows -- or you're at the Big Lots in Cousinfucker, Alabama, or wherever else you might come across men in the flagrant act of existing while gay, you should know there's a good chance these days you might get your pearly-white ass kicked, or your onyx-y black ass kicked, or whatever gemstone correlates most strongly with whatever race your ass identifies with most.
This has been a Multicultural Public Service Announcement for gay-bashers.
[The Advocate / New York Daily News]
Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.
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