Duncan Hunter You Are LOCK HER UP!
Pour one out for the Chairman of the Bros Caucus, bruh! Former California congressman Duncan Hunter was just sentenced to 11 months in the hoosegow for scamming allllll the money from his campaign account. Guess Judge Thomas J. Whelan wasn't convinced by Hunter's argument that the whole thing was an anti-Trump WITCH HUNT launched by Hillary Clinton and her minions in the DEEP STATE. Figures for a Clinton-appointee — he's probably in on the whole thing!
Why, you can see the BIASSSS right there in the original 60-count indictment. Who but a Deep Stater could fail to see the inherent logic in charging Uber rides to and from the homes of Hunter's many ladyfriends to the campaign credit card? Don't know how you do it, your Honor, but in San Diego they call that extramarital bonezoning a "legislative act," if you know what I mean.
Ditto for the $1,008 weekend in Tahoe he charged to the campaign. Because, after all, his girlfriend at the time was a lobbyist! In fact, as the San Diego Union Tribune noted, "three of the women were noted to be lobbyists and two others were reported to be congressional staffers." So that's all official congressional horndogging bidniss, protected by the speech or debate clause of the Constitution of the US!
As for the 29 trips to Costco on which Hunter and his actual wife, Margaret Hunter, charged $11,375.46-worth of groceries and personal items to the campaign card, well, at least some of it could have been for charity, right? Okay, yes, Margaret Hunter was lying when she told the campaign treasurer that a January 11, 2012, trip was to purchase "gift basket items for basket donation - Temecula chamber gala auction." But, like, it could have been true if they had actually donated their milk and toilet paper to the gala.
Same for the $87.50 they charged on July 18, 2015, for movie tickets that Mrs. Hunter described as "gift ticks towards a local league football fundraiser." She could have meant to donate those tickets and just accidentally taken the kids instead. You can't rule it out!
And in retrospect, it was probably an error to use the campaign card for $229.44 at Disneyland, $253.62 at Sea World (it was an "educational tour"), $6,150 for tuition and school lunches, $700 at the dentist's office, and $99.53 for a cut and color at the Regis Hair Salon (AKA "Gift Basket Items"). Among many, many others. But the Hunters reimbursed the campaign account once the feds came knocking, so, no harm, no foul, right?
Who among us hasn't let our kid use the wrong credit card for $119 of purchases on the Steam video game platform, then reported the charges as fraudulent when we got caught? Isn't that really a family matter, best handled outside the courts?
And can you really blame Duncan Hunter for the US Navy's intransigence? He really did try to book a tour of the naval facility near Naples, which would have magically transformed the entire $14,261.33 charge for a family trip to Italy into a campaign expense. Should Duncan Hunter be penalized because the Navy couldn't accommodate his schedule? How is that even fair!
Plus, that time when he claimed a mileage reimbursement for a "468-mile trip to Virginia Beach with Individual 14, Congressman A, and Congressman A's date" despite the fact that they didn't take Hunter's car was just an accounting screwup. Could happen to anybody!
In short, this whole thing was a stitch up. A Democrat hoax. A sham! That's why Hunter pleaded guilty back in December, because none of the charges were actually true.
It's a sad day, Wonkers. A very, very sad day.
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Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.