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Earth's Sentient Population Urges John McCain To Just Shut The Hell Up Already, Please

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Poor dumb (clueless? Nahh, definitely dumb) old man John "That One" McCain simply does not see why anyone is making a fuss over his simple little joke calling Mahmoud Ahmadinejad a monkey, because for god's sake, people, it is a JOKE and also did you notice that Iran is our enemy? And it's always OK to call the enemy a monkey, so will you all just LIGHTEN UP, people! It is not racist to call a dirty foreign leader a monkey, also, look at all the people comparing George Bush to a chimp, dammit you people I didn't spend FIVE AND A HALF YEARS in a slope gook dink POW camp to put up with being called a racist!

It turns out that even a fellow Republican member of Congress, Rep. Justin Amash of Michigan, who is of Palestinian and Syrian descent, has no sense of humor at all. Responding like some kind of liberal free-speech hater, Amash replied to Sen. McCain's little witicisms by tweeting back, "Maybe you should wisen up & not make racist jokes."

But haven't good virile America-loving heroes always depicted the enemy as an animal? It's just something we like to DO. For heaven's sake, sure, our propaganda depicted the yellow devils we were fighting in WWII as lady-raping demon beasts, but that's no more racist than this other image, which is from WWI. How can something be racist in one context and not racist in another? These thoughts are completely mind-boggling, so do not confuse John McCain with your Politically Correct whining. Are you trying to silence him?

Actually, we do not think that Sen. McCain (R - Marvelous ApeHouse) is any more racist or sexist than the average old white Republican who comes from a position of privilege and wealth, really. But he does seem to have some real problems with primates.

In a related story, a group of bonobos issued a statement indicating that they wish to disavow any genetic links to humanity. They then returned to their usual routine of happily promiscuous casual fucking.

[Twitter / Buzzfeed]

Check out Wonkette on Facebook and Twitter and even on Tumblr. And if you think the world would be better if we were more genetically similar to bonobos than chimps, you can follow Doktor Zoom on Twitter, also, too.

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Last Tuesday, Comey tweeted to his 1 million followers, who do not and will never include me, that they should all go out this fall and vote for Democrats because -- you know, totally breaking news -- Republicans were awful.

"This Republican Congress has proven incapable of fulfilling the Founders' design that 'Ambition must ... counteract ambition.' All who believe in this country's values must vote for Democrats this fall. Policy differences don't matter right now. History has its eyes on us," he wrote.

Check out the big brain on Comey! Trying to impress folks with his reference to James Madison and the Federalist Papers. It's a pompous empty gesture, of course, because he's just preaching to the choir now. His former Republicans have long ago abandoned him. Sure, the GOP loved cool James when he put a wrecking ball through Hillary Clinton's campaign, but they were all "What have you done for me lately?" when Donald Trump fired him after a couple awkward dates.

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Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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