Did you all have a nice weekend? We did! And Melania Trump did! She represented the Trump family at the funeral for Barbara Bush, which, regardless of your politics, was a lovely event. Donald Trump had a weekend of golf and Twitter, and, though it was entirely appropriate for him to skip the funeral as the sitting president, the difference between his weekend and his wife's weekend sure did make for quite a contrast!

By now you have seen this picture:

Wow. Three presidents and their wives surrounding Republican George H.W. Bush, whose wife just died: His son, Republican George W. Bush, with one arm around his wife Laura Bush and his other arm around Hillary Clinton, whom he sat next to at the Trump inauguration after her devastating "loss" in the 2016 election, and to whom, after Trump's inauguration address, he remarked, "That was some weird shit," because it was; her husband, the Democratic President Bill Clinton, who is known as an unofficial son to George H.W. Bush; Democratic President Barack Obama and former first lady Michelle Obama, who is buddy-buddy with George W., and who is as naturally as anything in the world posing with First Lady Melania Trump, wife of El Dipshit, as if to say, "Your husband is never going to be accepted into this group, but we'll let you in."

It's enough to bring a single bald eagle tear to your eye, if you like American shit like that!

A picture from the front row of the church during the funeral -- to which Melania did not bring Stormy Daniels's lawyer Michael Avenatti as her date, but we wouldn't blame her if she had, because come on, they'd be adorable together -- is getting quite a lot of attention:

The picture has been memed and tweeted eleventy thousand times at this point, but we thought that one was real funny, so we used it. What did Barack Obama say to Melania Trump? What did she say back? Is that the first time we've seen Melania Trump look genuinely HAPPY in the past year or two, sitting next to Barack Obama, who, despite everything El Dipshit hurls at him (and despite how she has been known to prop up her husband's racist birther crap a time or three), was gracious to Melania to the point of wisecracking with her during a funeral?

Well! We are glad Melania Trump had a nice weekend, with the Obamas and the Crooked Hillarys and the Bushes, all of whom despise her husband with the rage of one thousand angry suns. Maybe she has that in common with them!


MSNBC's Nicolle Wallace, who worked in the Bush 43 White House and was at the funeral, noted the juxtaposition between the activities of the first lady and the activities of the president this weekend:

Because really, that is what the president of the United States did this weekend. MAYBE he got in a few rounds of golf. MAYBE he did that thing he likes to do (allegedly) where a trusted aide throws Big Macs at his face and he sees how many he can catch mid-air in his mouth like the world's dumbest cocker spaniel. MAYBE he even got an intel briefing at some point. But the bulk of his weekend was this:

SWEET LORD! Let's set aside the lie that Trump "doesn't talk to" Maggie Haberman, because every single damn one of y'all knows Maggie Haberman is his FAVORITE reporter to gossip at, even if it makes him mad when she writes down what he says verbatim. And sometimes he gets mad when Haberman talks to other people, like reporters commonly do, specifically in this instance for a piece published Friday about how Trump idiot thug consigliere Michael Cohen, faced with a criminal investigation and the possibility of going to jail forever and never seeing his kids again, MAY VERY WELL flip-a-dee-doo-dah on Trump to save his own ass.

And oh man, we hope he does! And oh boy, President Dipshit McTransFat does not seem to understand how flipping works! SPOILER, MR. PRESIDENT: They'll only let Cohen flip if he tells the TRUTH about YOU. "Lying" or "making up stories" will only add charges to Cohen's own probably very large pile! Oh well, we'd spend more time explaining, but we feel like the president will learn the lesson better if he experiences getting flipped on in real time and having to resign the presidency, so no more helpful suggestions or spoilers from Wonkette!

But that was just the beginning of Saturday's rampage. After announcing he was going to the "Southern White House" -- which does not exist but there is this one gaudy trash palace Trump goes to in Florida all the time, so we guess he means Mar-a-Lago -- to watch the Barbara Bush funeral, he tweeted about how he thinks the Democrats' lawsuit against the Trump campaign and Russia for election fuckery will be bad for Democrats, and he also tweeted that he might pardon legendary boxing champion Jack Johnson, who has been dead since four days before Donald Trump was born. Why? Sylvester Stallone says he should. Why else? No other reason Trump might want to wave his pardon stick around that we can think of, why are you asking, Michael Cohen?

Then it was time to bitch about James Comey some more:

Only a few of them had classified information, and Comey did not leak those, you know-nothing fuck-rocket. (Certain things were retroactively classified, of course.) Also, the man who leaked the FULL James Comey memos to Fox News was Devin Nunes or one of his paste-eating staffers, allegedly.

The president is also offended by the baseless charge that he, a dignified man, would ever make up juvenile names for his own political appointees:

Know how we know WaPo got that one right? Because the nicknames aren't funny. NONE of Trump's nicknames are funny, and they're often really awkward, English language-wise, because Trump is not very good at speaking English. If WaPo had said Trump called Jeff Sessions "Butterscotches McOld," that would be Fake News, because "Butterscotches McOld" is hilarious.

Trump spent Sunday bitching on Twitter too, including calling Chuck Todd "Sleepy Eyes" again (which many on the internet are noting is actually an old school anti-semitic dogwhistle) and quoting Wall Street Journal opinion writers saying there's no "there" there with special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation (indictments in the double digits before the end of the first year of the probe is just a big nothing, if you're very stupid idiot Kim Strassel from the WSJ!).

But we don't want to spend a lot of time talking about Trump defiling Sunday with his tweets. It's more fun to focus on the part where he was rage-tweeting while his wife, the first lady, was doing this:

That. That is the shit. Right there.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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You guys, hi, hello, it is almost the holiday weekend, so we are going to share you a real video posted last night by "Doctor" Sebastian "Don't Call Me A Nazi" Gorka, that hilarious old knucklecuck. We guess now that he had to give up (or gave up voluntarily!) his Fox News contract, he just makes videos for the Twitter. Hoo ... ray?

Anyway, Gorka is super-excited that Donald Trump issued that order last night, giving Bill Barr all kinds of new powers to expose the Deep State for what it is and PROVE once and for all that the gremlins who live inside Trump's diarrhea are correct when they say Hillary ordered the Deep State to do an illegal witch hunt to Trump, yadda yadda yadda, you've seen these people huff paint before, we don't have to type it all.

Here is the video, after which Wonkette will either transcribe it OR we will provide our own dramatic interpretation. Which one will it be? We don't know! Would you be able to tell the difference between the two? We don't know!

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We want to say right here at the outset that we hate Julian Assange. Aside from the sexual assault allegations against him, and aside from the fact that he's just a generally stinky and loathsome person who reportedly smeared poop on the walls at the Ecuadorian embassy in London, while reportedly not taking care of his cat, an innocent creature, he acted as Russia's handmaiden during the 2016 election, in order to further Russia's campaign to steal it for Donald Trump. All signs point to his campaign being a success!

So we are justifiably happy when bad things happen to Julian Assange. We are happy his name is shit the world over, and that any reputation WikiLeaks used to have for being on the side of freedom and transparency has been stuffed down the toilet where it belongs. We are happy he looked like such a sad-ass loser when the Ecuadorian embassy finally kicked him out and he was arrested.

And quite frankly, we were OK with the initial charge against him recently unsealed in the Eastern District of Virginia. If you'll remember, he was charged with trying to help Chelsea Manning hack a password into the Defense Department, which is not what journalists do. Journalists do not drive the get-away car for sources. Journalists do not hold their sources' hair back while they're stealing classified intel. Assange is essentially accused of doing all that.

Now, put all that aside. Because -- and this is key -- journalists do publish secrets they are provided by sources. That's First Amendment, chapter and verse, American as fucking apple pie and fast-food-induced diabetes. And that is what much of the superseding indictment of Assange unsealed yesterday was about. (And nope, it wasn't about anything regarding Assange's ratfucking the 2016 election or Hillary's emails. Why would the Trump Justice Department prosecute anything about that? It's all about the older Chelsea Manning stuff, the stuff the Obama Justice Department considered charging Assange with, but ultimately declined, because of that little thing called the First Amendment.)

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