Cease thy prating, o termagant woman!

Now that the Trump Era is fully in place, seems at least a couple of Southern Gentlemen are being anything but gentlemanly when it comes to the unspeakable rudeness of Senator Elizabeth Warren, who Started It Anyway when she read aloud Coretta Scott King's testimony against Senator Jeff Sessions. Something about that nasty Elizabeth Warren just brings out the Inner Jerk in some Republican men, not that you'd really tell, since their Outer Jerk is pretty much all you see anyway. Consider this tweet from Mike "Mr. Decorum" Huckabee Wednesday, promoting a guest spot on Fox Business, in which the twice-failed presidential candidate and total holy man, you bet, promised to yell at Warren real good:

Yes, he went there -- called her a "scold" and everything, as one must needs do when an unladylike harridan speaks ill of a good ol' boy who's never meaning no harm, except maybe to some blackamoors' voting rights. Somehow he managed not to call her a harpy. We can also be thankful he's a Huckabee of little learning, or he might have recommended she be fitted with a "scold's bridle."

But Elder Huckabee was not to be outdone in relishing the Massachusetts Senate-wench's chastisement. Sen. Lindsey Graham, apparently worried that his occasional squeaks of opposition to Donald Trump might make him too tolerable to progressives, also took the opportunity to glory in Warren's being told to stop quoting that turbulent civil rights negress at poor Sen. Sessions, since clearly Warren has no understanding of basic comity, and did rant so, like a woman possessed, as he explained on the Mike Gallagher Show Wednesday:

"The bottom line is, it was long overdue with her," he said. "I mean, she is clearly running for the nomination in 2020."

"The Democratic Party is being pushed really hard by the most extreme voices in their community, and they just don't know how to handle it," he added. "If they empower her, then I think the Democratic Party is gonna lose its way with the vast majority of the American people."

Gallagher concurred, equating Warren's shrill reading of the King letter to "the riots at Berkeley" and warning that "normal Americans" will quickly lose patience with how the Democratic party "appears to have lost its mind, as well as its soul." In sooth! Reading a letter by a civil rights icon on the floor of the Senate is so very like hooded villains setting fire to rubbish in the streets, because both are actions that occur in a place. The parallels are truly horrifying.

And what of Elizabeth Warren? Has she listened carefully to the tuition of her learned betters, and vowed to trade her shrewish scolding for a proper, meek demeanour, as is only meet for a woman of quality? We cannot say it is so, gentle reader. Hearken to her reply to Elders Graham and Huckabee:

Borne on the Bayeux

(Actually, her real reaction might be even better: "Wow. Well, I guess there goes my rapprochement with Lindsey Graham.")

[Mike Huckabee on Twitter / CNN / Esquire]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Screenshot, CNN

If the facts are against you, argue the law. If the law is against you, argue the facts. If the law and the facts are against you, pound the table and yell like hell. And if that doesn't work, just make shit up.

Talking hairpiece Jay Sekulow went on Chris Cuomo's CNN show Wednesday night to barf out the latest Trumpland nonsense on the Russian WITCH HUNT. Remember way back in May, 2017 when Donald Trump told Lester Holt about that hilarious time he fired James Comey to murder the Russia investigation?

"I was going to fire Comey knowing there's no good time to do it. And in fact when I decided to just do it, I said to myself, I said, 'you know, this Russia thing with Trump and Russia is a made up story, it's an excuse by the Democrats for having lost an election that they should have won.'"

Did you think that meant he actually fired Comey TO MURDER THE RUSSIA INVESTIGATION? Watch and learn, kids!

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In the words of the great Tammy Wynette, sometimes it's hard to be a woman. This week has been such a time for many of us out there, what with the impending prospect of seeing yet another sex predator who wants to take away our reproductive rights getting confirmed to the highest court in the land. Oh, it's almost like we, and our bodily autonomy, don't even matter at all.

Thankfully, several conservative columnists have graciously taken the time to explain to the rest of us why we should stand by their man. Not for his good, but for our own. Because it will be empowering. So come on gals, let's switch out our sneakers for pumps like the the working gals in 1980s movies, set up our desk salads, and just really lean in to see what they have to say!

First up, we've got Catherine Glenn Foster over at The Federalist, who wants us to know that losing our reproductive rights will empower us beyond our wildest dreams, according to the actual title of her essay.

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