Elizabeth Warren Doesn't Seem To Like That Ted Cruz Boy Very Much
take that, fucker!
Massachusetts Sen. Elizabeth Warren is such a badass, but you knew that already. It's a pity she's so shy about saying what's really on her mind, though. HAHA you know that is a #joke because Liz lovesgoingoffonpeople. This week her ire is directed at Ted Cruz, for a few reasons: A) Everybody hates Ted Cruz; B) Might as well, since he might not be around to kick in the face that much longer; and most importantly, C) Cruz sent out a fundraising letter that pissed Warren off.
Here's that letter:
[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/588154/being-gods-chosen-presidential-candidate-giving-ted-cruz-nasty-case-of-stigmata"></a>[/wonkbar]In case you can't read that on your Obamaphone -- and trust us, you don't want to -- it's Cruz whining his Canadian peter-hole off about how running for president is haaaaaard and he never gets to eat soup with his wife Heidi, and he never gets "personal time" for stirring the poutine (that's what he calls masturbation) or ALLEGEDLY boning ladies what are not his wife, etc. He has sent this sort of letter before, months ago, and it was pretty much the same except for how last time he also bellyached about how the only food he gets to eat on the campaign trail is pizza.
Well this time around, Liz Warren saw it, and she tweet-stormed her reactions like she was trying to win a Pulitzer for righteous Twitter outrage. Ready? This ballet is called Elizabeth Warren Castrates Ted Cruz In 12 Tweets:
SHIT! We think we can officially say this is the first time we have ever felt the need for a cigarette after a particularly energetic bout of READING TWITTER.
[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/523390/forget-royal-baby-ted-cruz-has-mandate-of-heaven-says-ted-cruzs-dad"></a>[/wonkbar]Doesn't Lizzie understand that poor Ted has been laboring under his and his dry-drunk dad's sad delusion that he has to make all these "sacrifices" because God actually wants Ted Cruz to run for president? PFFFFFT maybe if it's Opposite Day, because God released a statement to Wonkette that He hates Ted Cruz just like everybody else. When we pointed out that God said he loves all people in His Holy Bible, the almighty told us to stop fucking micromanaging Him.
Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.
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