Donate


(UPDATE! Why, yes you CAN buy the shirt and coffee cup and stationery and kids clothes above! Go here!)

Elizabeth Warren, man, what a bitch. Am I right? She is always like "I am going to start a government agency that helps people who were ripped off by bankers," and "please don't confirm Jeff Sessions as Attorney General of the United States, look, here is a letter from Coretta Scott King back in the '80s saying he used the power of his office to suppress the black vote and that would be bad."

She said these horrific things in front of his wife! And she said them "with disdain"!!! Has anything sadder ever happened in THE WHOLE UNIVERSE? Won't somebody please get the "lady" a ball gag?

Oh, Mitch McConnell will? He is ever the gentleman, isn't he?

You see, part of the Senate rules of comity and collegiality and consanguinity maybe (not consanguinity) say that you mustn't "impugn" a fellow Senator. And Jeff Sessions, he is a Senator in addition to being Donald Trump's nominee for Attorney General. So the Senate, which has a Constitutional duty to "advise and consent" on nominees like Jeff Sessions, isn't allowed to say anything mean about him while they're discussing his nomination. And that includes a letter from a civil rights lion saying "oh yeah, he was super racist, all of the time." NOT ALLOWED, SIRS AND MA'AMS! You must only give him compliments while you are persuading your fellow senators to vote against him! Like so!

  • "Jeff Sessions was one of the people who was BEST AT RACISM in the whole state of Alabama!"
  • "Jeff Sessions worked VERY HARD as state attorney, and was one of the very best state attorneys at achieving the goal of arresting black people for 'vote fraud' if they registered too many people to vote."
  • "Jeff Sessions, he's just a good ol' boy. Never meaning no harm. Something something something been in trouble with the law since the day he was born."
  • Elizabeth Warren was "rebuked" by the Senate for being too mean to Jeff Sessions, by reading Coretta Scott King's statement about him into the record. In words that shall live in infamy, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell declared,

    "She was warned. She was given an explanation. Nevertheless she persisted."

    Why yes, you CAN expect to find it on a Wonkette T-shirt, very, VERY soon. In the meantime, we still got these here (women's), here (men's), and if we're out of your size at the Bazaar, these guys have them here.)

    In conclusion, good job, Mitch McConnell! You've just helped Elizabeth Warren and the words of the late Coretta Scott King grow more powerful than you could have ever imagined. Hope it was worth it!

    Here is Warren, in a hallway, reading the letter in full.

    You didn't actually think she was going to stop, did you?

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc