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storytime


Here is a funny thing about a terrible thing, so it's not really a "Nice Time." But hey, it's Ellen DeGeneres, so you will laugh with your mouth! Ellen heard that, while three gazillion people were in the streets yelling loudly about Donald Trump's bigoted Muslim ban, the White House screened her movie Finding Dory for Kellyanne Conway and Sean Spicer and whatever other grubby children were hanging around eating their fingernails and throwing poop tantrums that day. It is a very good movie, according to our niece Evelyn! We have not seen it yet, because we are lame, but we loved Finding Nemo, so whatever.

(Reportedly, also, Wonkette Baby and Wonkette Shypixel also like the movie muchly.)

Ellen noted that she wasn't "getting political," so instead of talking about the ban, she would talk about the very nice movie she stars in, for no reason, no reason at all:

Finding Dory is about a fish named Dory and Dory lives in Australia, and these are her parents, and, uh, they live in America, and I don’t know what religion they are but her dad sounds a little Jewish, doesn’t matter ...

RUN, STEVE BANNON, RUN, THERE IS A FISH OF THE JEWISH PERSUASION!

Dory arrives in America with her friends Marlon and Nemo and she ends up at the Marine Life Institute behind a large wall and they all have to get over the wall. And, you won’t believe it, but that wall has almost no effect in keeping them out.

She's not "getting political," she is JUST SAYING.

Even though Dory gets into America she ends up separated from her family, but the other animals help Dory. Animals that don’t even need her, animals that don’t even have anything in common with her. They help her even though they’re completely different colors, because that’s what you do when you see someone in need. You help them.

If you are a decent human being (or a friendly American fish!) that's what you do.

EVEN TO DIFFERENT COLORED FISH.

Anyway, the point is that if President Steve Bannon and his butt puppet Donald Trump were fish, all the other fishes would laugh and call them names, even Dory, who is usually so nice, but whatever, everybody has their limit these days.

And if Hillary Clinton was a fish, she would be president of the ocean, because THREE MILLION MORE FISHIES voted for her, and the ocean doesn't have dumb fucking things like the Electoral College.

Ayup.

And if Kellyanne Conway was a fish ... oh fuck it, just watch the video.

[Towleroad]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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