Elon Out-Losers Trump On Same Day Trump Starts Selling Own Fake Superhero Pokémon Cards

via Giphy

By now you probably have heard that last night Elon Musk banned journalists Aaron Rupar, Donie O'Sullivan, and a bunch of others, apparently because they kept making fun of him and making him look very dumb and stupid and pathetic, like the saddest, most thin-skinned forever-divorced guy who will ever live. He did this on the night after he offloaded YET $3.58 BILLION MORE in Tesla stock. (Tesla investors are irate.)

He says it was because they were "doxxing" him. He says they posted "basically assassination coordinates” and the internet is still in pain laughing at the phrase "basically assassination coordinates." Elon Musk apparently thinks that if you post where his plane went ("Los Angeles") hours after it lands then he is being "doxxed." Elon Musk apparently does not understand that flight information is public, and if somebody knows the tail number, they can find out where it's going in real time.

Elon — big tech guy, we swear — appears to be unaware that there are apps where if he wanted to lie down in his front yard and find out exactly what planes are going over him at any given time, he can find that out! And if one of those tail numbers happens to be Elon's, spoiler alert.

Hold on, you guys, gonna doxx Elon Musk real quick: MAYBE HE IS IN CALIFORNIA! Oh no, we hope he doesn't get 'ssassinated because we said MAYBE HE IS IN CALIFORNIA! We would like to report a doxxing, please, we confess!

Anyway, Aaron Rupar did not doxx Elon Musk, just like Washington Post reporter Drew Harwell did not doxx Elon Musk. Rupar has reported critically on Musk, though, and just in the past couple days, Harwell has been reporting on how Musk has really been giving QAnon some big reacharounds on Twitter lately, and also about Elon's ban on the @ElonJet guy. When Harwell emailed Musk to ask about all the QAnon reacharounds, Musk replied "lol."

New York Times reporter Ryan Mac did not doxx Musk.

CNN reporter Donie O'Sullivan did not doxx musk.

Keith Olbermann did not doxx Musk. Nor Matt Binder from Mashable nor Intercept reporter Micah Lee nor Voice of America reporter Steve Herman nor independent journo Tony Webster. That would be very whoa if true if they had, but they did not.

They all had been reporting critically (or tweeting critically) on Elon Musk, which almost certainly hurt his feelings. It's entirely possible they also laughed at tweets where people made jokes about whether or not Elon's weenus looks like a vienna sausage wearing a fedora, but we cannot verify that. How could we know? Everybody would laugh at a tweet like that, though.

We must confess that we are writing this late on Thursday night, so there will probably be so much more shitshow by the time you read it. (Hell, some of them might even be back! You'll see why we say that in a moment.)

But for a brief idea of how stupid last night was, a few highlights:

Elon just kept lying and lying and lying about all those journalists doxxing him and posting "basically assassination coordinates." You can laugh, it's still funny.

And Elon did a poll asking if he should reinstate all the journalists who "doxxed" him:

It didn't go right. That election was rigged!

So he did another poll:

And that election was rigged too! Even with him lying and saying they had "doxxed my exact location in real-time," it was still rigged!

Hmmmm, maybe if he had included a picture of Hunter Biden's enormous penis with his poll. That's what rigged the 2020 election, right? Twitter's censorship of Hunter's gigantic hog?

Back to the dumb shit from last night, oh here's one!

A bunch of journalists created a Twitter Space to discuss, and Elon joined it, and he continued to lie, and when Drew Harwell confronted him with a real question, Elon STORMED OFF AND LEFT. Where did he go? It's forbidden to speculate, that would be a DOXXIN'.

Let's see, what else?

Devin Nunes truthed on Truth Social that he thinks the banned journalists might join Truth Social, hahahaha, he is sad.

Twitter started preventing users from linking to their Mastodon accounts, it would appear. Something about "unsafe."

Oh yeah, and nobody even had any sympathy for poor and put-upon and doxxed Elon Musk. They just kept making fun of him and making fun of him and making fun of him and ...

And making fun of him ...

Especially when he was tweeting his obvious lies about "basically assassination coordinates."

In summary and in conclusion, THE TWITTER FILES!

Tell us more about Hunter Biden's pubic accoutrements, Matt Taibbi and Bari Weiss!


The end.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter right here!

And once that doesn't exist, I'm also giving things a go at the Mastodon (@evanhurst@newsie.social) and at Post!

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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