Emo Clarence Thomas Watches Saving Private Ryan To Buck Himself Up

Emo Clarence Thomas Watches Saving Private Ryan To Buck Himself Up

Whyso sad, Clarence Thomas?

[Clarence] Thomas can on occasion be melancholy in his speeches, such as saying he sometimes envies the seemingly carefree lives he sees from his chamber windows. Several years ago, he told a group of high school students that he sometimes gets “morose,” and bucks himself up by reading inspirational speeches or retreating to the basement to watch the movie “Saving Private Ryan.”

What are some happier movies with which Clarence Thomas can console himself for the terrible burden of having a lifelong gig bossing presidents and snuggling with ol' Cuddles Scalia?

  • The Road: A boy and his dad realize the Libertarian dream of a DIY pioneering spirit!

  • The Deerhunter: Brave Americans conquer all. Also, cool guns.

  • Sophie's Choice: The sacrifice of a mother's love, even though she is not even American.

  • AI: Courageous American robot almost stuck with stupid ending of eternal "hope," until aliens save the day by giving him a 1950s mommy for like five minutes, then he dies.

Oh yeah, also this article makes "news" with Clarence Thomas admitting black people maybe weren't protected by the all-knowing Founding Fathers, but it's cool, he didn't mind.


Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


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