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Eric Cantor Honors America's Unsung Managerial Class on Labor Day

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The Republican party loves Labor Day so much that it's gone and created a whole new special double version of it, on the same day. This one, however, celebrates the historical enemy of organized labor, the Noble Small Businessman. Everyone, quick, whip your cat'o nine tails at the nearest laborers to honor the owners of capital. "Today," Richmond plantation master Rep. Eric Cantor wrote on the Twitter yesterday, "we celebrate those who have taken a risk, worked hard, built a business and earned their own success." So yeah, he got Labor Day exactly wrong, but he knows that, and that's why he's generally considered an unlikable person.


Let's make several other Conservative Opposite Holidays!

  • Thanksgiving: Murder Bomb Day.
  • Martin Luther King Jr. Day: Woolworth's Lunch Counter Appreciation Day.
  • Christmas: Stop the War on Christmas Day.
  • Actually "Murder Bomb Day" would pretty much cover them all.

    [Twitter]

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Screenshot, CNN

If the facts are against you, argue the law. If the law is against you, argue the facts. If the law and the facts are against you, pound the table and yell like hell. And if that doesn't work, just make shit up.

Talking hairpiece Jay Sekulow went on Chris Cuomo's CNN show Wednesday night to barf out the latest Trumpland nonsense on the Russian WITCH HUNT. Remember way back in May, 2017 when Donald Trump told Lester Holt about that hilarious time he fired James Comey to murder the Russia investigation?

"I was going to fire Comey knowing there's no good time to do it. And in fact when I decided to just do it, I said to myself, I said, 'you know, this Russia thing with Trump and Russia is a made up story, it's an excuse by the Democrats for having lost an election that they should have won.'"

Did you think that meant he actually fired Comey TO MURDER THE RUSSIA INVESTIGATION? Watch and learn, kids!

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In the words of the great Tammy Wynette, sometimes it's hard to be a woman. This week has been such a time for many of us out there, what with the impending prospect of seeing yet another sex predator who wants to take away our reproductive rights getting confirmed to the highest court in the land. Oh, it's almost like we, and our bodily autonomy, don't even matter at all.

Thankfully, several conservative columnists have graciously taken the time to explain to the rest of us why we should stand by their man. Not for his good, but for our own. Because it will be empowering. So come on gals, let's switch out our sneakers for pumps like the the working gals in 1980s movies, set up our desk salads, and just really lean in to see what they have to say!

First up, we've got Catherine Glenn Foster over at The Federalist, who wants us to know that losing our reproductive rights will empower us beyond our wildest dreams, according to the actual title of her essay.

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