Eric Holder Peaces Out

Eric Holder has had enough of your shit, Congress. Like most of America, he is probably tired of grandstanding and bullshit partisan nonsense, so he is taking his indictments and going home.

Today, Attorney General Eric Holder announced that he will be resigning, as soon as Congress confirms his replacement. He has served in his position for six years. Considering that Obama will nominate his replacement, and Republicans would rather gurgle rat semen than approve anything Obama wants (except bombing brown people, and sometimes, shockingly, not even then), we can expect Holder to serve until January, 2017.

Holder has had a rocky run as the Attorney General. On the up side, he sent many Republicans spiraling into frothy-mouthed diatribes on a regular basis, so that’s cool. In fact, the House went so far as to file articles of impeachment against him, probably for Attorneying While Black or some nonsense.

What's the Official Wonket Editorial Policy on Holder? He was cool except for how he was also a dick. For instance? Great on civil rights and voting rights. Remember when he invaded Texas and totally made them let people vote, like they were real citizens and all? Yeah, good times.

On the downside, he was a little too Nixon-y for our taste when it came to press freedoms and secrecy and stuff. Not cool, Holder. Not. Cool.

On the War On Drugs, Holder told Colorado and Washington to smoke 'em if ya got 'em after they legalized marijuana. Maybe he and Maureen Dowd can go get high together. Except sometimes the Feds were all harshing the mellow. Classic Holder!

And remember that time he said that legally married couples (EVEN THE GAYS) could have federal rights regarding bankruptcy and not testifying against each other? See, that is like what we were talking about before, with the being cool. Though it's also a total federal overreach-around, if you ask us.

There were plenty of times he sent House Republicans into a tizzy. Like the time he basically told cosmic shitstain Darrell Issa to STFU, or the time he unfairly matched wits with drooling-sack-of-ferret-poop Louie Gohmert.

Holder, you weren’t always the bestest, but for the amount of angst you caused House Republicans, you will be missed. When you eventually leave. Which will be never, because Congress sucks.

[Politico / Operation American Spring photo credit: Beth Ethier]


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