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CHEESE AND CRACKERS, WISCONSIN! What the hell is going on up there? How is it you Cheeseheads are all so nice, and yet your politicians are such corrupt sonsabitches? Yeah, you've got badass Tammy Baldwin. But you elected Ron Johnson and Scott Walker TWICE EACH. You guys are so offensively gerrymandered that even the Supreme Court was like, Oh, come on!

And now this! Wonkers, look at this Wisconsin statute. Does this sound like Scott Walker can hold a special election to fill legislative vacancies if he feels like it?

Any vacancy in the office of state senator or representative to the assembly occurring before the 2nd Tuesday in May in the year in which a regular election is held to fill that seat shall be filled as promptly as possible by special election.

NO IT DOES NOT! Laws that say "shall" are non-discretionary, which is lawtalk for JUST DO IT, ASSHOLE. But Scott Walker appointed two Wisconsin legislators to his administration in December, 2017, and he's flatly refusing to hold elections to replace them. That means that the residents of those districts will be without representation between December of 2017 and January of 2019 when the winners of November's ballot take their seats. And we are not a math major, but that looks like more than a year to us.

Maybe it's because Republicans lost a seat in the state Senate in January's special election in a 36 point (!) swing from 2016. Or maybe it's because of general cussedness -- we are talking about a politician who tried to overturn a law giving gay couples hospital visitation rights. Walker's stated reason for refusing to hold special elections is to save money. Which is hilarious from a guy busily shoveling billions into Foxconn's coffers for a factory that we still think will never get built. He also mumbled some nonsense about it being a slow season for the lege, right before calling a special session to kick poor people off food stamps.

More to the point, it doesn't fucking matter whether Walker thinks those legislators are just extra. The law grants Wisconsin residents the right to representation and doesn't condition it on the whim of the state executive. These assholes have gerrymandered the shit out of their legislature to ensure that they always wind up with 65 percent of the seats while getting half the votes, and they STILL won't hold elections!

So yesterday, Eric Holder's redistricting group, the National Democratic Redistricting Committee, sued on behalf of voters in the district. They petitioned the Circuit Court of Dane County for a Writ of Mandamus, which is Latin for Hold the goddamn elections you beady-eyed little badgerdick! Because getting sued is literally the only thing that makes Republicans do their stupid jobs in the age of Trump. So now we can watch Walker's administration drag this case out all summer long, so that if they lose, they wind up holding a special election on Halloween. Shifty bastards!

DO BETTER, WISCONSIN!

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[Petition for Writ of Mandamus / Mother Jones]

Five Dollar Feminist

Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

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Guys, it's been one more shit day in a shit week in the fifth shit month of another shit Trump year. Which is why I need to remind you that it's not ALL shit out there! Oh, sure, it's MOSTLY shit, but you know what isn't shit? YR WONKETTE, and the strange community of strange internet people who have made getting through all this shit a bit more tolerable, that's who and what. Which is why you should give us money, so we can keep whanging away at the walls of shit with our shovels and laughing at the shit getting all over, because one of these days we will get it all cleaned up or at least not be up to our waists in shit, and we can all laugh about what a crazy fight it was, as St. Molly Ivins always kept reminding us.

In case you're new here, let me just remind you that Wonkette literally got me, Yr Dok Zoom, out of what wasn't quite poverty, but was pretty much paycheck-to-paycheck desperation. I started reading the site shortly before Barack Obama was elected, began commenting sometime in his first term, and submitted a story tip to Rebecca a few months after she bought the site for 47 dollars and a sandwich (I now understand it was a bit more than that). It was Memorial Day 2012, and she wrote back she was busy with some "stupid thing I have to do for some muneez," but would I like to try writing a blog post myself? "I understand if you say FUCK NO. But maybe you are thinking FUCK YES?" And then she warned me she paid only in Ameros. I did, the post was forgettable but OK, and then I wrote a thing (borrowed from now long-lost comments) that went semi-viral, and suddenly I was that hottest thing in publishing, a freelancer!

In less than a year, Rebecca asked you all to buy me to be your very own pet blogger, and my life suddenly became incredibly good, like as good as an Abba song. It's as good as "Dancing Queen." Thanks to the timing of the whole thing (and to Barry Obama and Nancy Pelosi), I actually had health insurance for the first time in years, a not inconsiderable thing. And you had an Editrix who was not working 12 hour days six and a half days a week and drinking too much from stress. Your continued donations helped hire Evan full time and Robyn and Bianca part time and a whole raft of freelancers, and now Rebecca is down to eight-hour days, five and a half days a week, and drinking because there's a madman in the White House and everything's terrible.

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There is a very normal article circulating on the internet right now by a fella named Don Boys (that's not the joke, the jokes are coming), who is both an insane batshit preacher, and also an insane batshit former member of the Indiana House of Representatives. (Also sometimes he blogs at the Daily Caller about how Mike Pence really went balls deep into the gay agenda when he swore in that insane batshit gay guy Rick Grenell as America's ambassador to Germany.)

This article, of course, is about Pete Buttigieg, because what are anti-gay buffoons obsessed with right now? Pete Buttigieg. Boys (still his name) is primarily concerned not with the simple fact that Buttigieg is gay, but with how gay Buttigieg really is. IN THE SEX WAY!

Well, Don, since you asked!

Shall we dive into this thing without the proper prophylactics? We shall.

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