Eric Trump Ain't Just Frogwhistling Dixie!
RIBBIT. RIBBIT. Donald Trump's favorite Nazi-haired son parked his ass on the Fox sofa this morning, pursed his thin lips together, and whistled out a jaunty tune to all the little Pepe frogs in the feverswamp. Eric dismissed Bob Woodward's runaway blockbuster Fear as "sensational nonsense," written only to "make three extra shekels."
We know it's hard to be the dumb one. He's not hot like Ivanka.
When Trump had to put his assets in a "trust," he handed them over to Don Jr. and that accountant Weisselberg. (And you know that guy couldn't even join half the golf clubs in Florida 20 years ago!) Just because DJ is a better liar with irresistible animal magnetism, he gets to run everything? NOT FAIR!
So Eric put in the extra effort this morning. He's growing a ... beard?
He's sliding his cheeks into the Kilmeade-depression, ready for Fox's morning kibbitz, Two Hacks and a Ditz in an Evening Gown. And he's letting that Nazi flag fly!
You can write some sensational, nonsense book. CNN will definitely have you on there, because they love to trash the president. It'll mean you sell three extra books, you make three extra shekels.
Simmer down, Klaus. Woodward sold 750,000 copies of Fear yesterday when the book dropped. Within 24 hours, it's become the fourth bestselling book on Amazon for the entire year. And his publishers are increasing the print run -- for people who still read paper books -- to one million. WOODWARD'S MAKING A LOT MORE THAN THREE SHEKELS.
Three shekels is 84 cents. But Eric's not here to discuss the finer points of Israeli currency exchange. He's winking at the Volksgemeinschaft, letting them know that this book is just more Jew lies from the mainstream media. The fact that Woodward is Protestant is irrelevant. If Eric says that GDP growth under Trump is "the fastest it has ever grown," or that Trump's FEMA is "totally prepared" for Hurricane Florence, well that's how it is, PERIOD.
You're not gonna let some (((globalist))) stop you from using a discardable piece of plastic every time you want to keep from dribbling Mountain Dew down your shirt, are you?
Oddly enough, Poppy Trump failed to retweet Eric's little shoutout to Naziland. Maybe because anti-semitic frogwhistles are a really dumb idea when you're praying to White Jesus that the Jew accountant and the Jew lawyer don't flip on you and sell your ass to Geoffrey Berman, head of SDNY, and Barbara Underwood, New York's AG. Both of whom will be fasting next week, Dummkopf! Plus, your sister is Jewish. Also, YOUR BUSINESS IS HEADQUARTERED IN NEW YORK CITY.
Better luck next time, kid. And hey, if DJ goes to jail, maybe Daddy will let you run the business?
(HAHAHAHAHA, no he won't.)
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Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.