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Have you just really been missing hearing the name Scalia since Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia died? Did you miss headlines like "Scalia Has Magic Jesus Constitution, Has So Much Jesus All Up In It"?

Well you are in luck! Zombie Justice Scalia spawn Eugene Scalia is now the United States secretary of Union Busting Labor!

Unfortunately, this is probably also bad news for most people. Unless you're the kind of person who's actually a corporation. Then it might be a pretty good thing for you.

Eugene Scalia may have a famous last name, but he's also a bootlicking sycophant in his very own right. And, as you might imagine, Scalia did inherit many of his father's problematic beliefs. Also like daddy, he has a penchant for defending the indefensible. So you can imagine where this is going.


Oh goodie, another Scalia.

On a straight party line vote, corporate defense lawyer Eugene Scalia was confirmed Monday as Trump's latest secretary of Labor. Trump nominated Scalia after Alex Acosta stepped down as Labor secretary after people finally got mad about the fact that, as a US Attorney, Acosta had helped famous pedophile Jeffrey Epstein stay out of prison. (In case you were counting, Acosta lasted 812 days, or 81.2 Scaramuccis.)

In nominating Eugene Scalia to lead the Department of Labor, Trump kept with his theme of cabinet officials who don't think the departments they run should exist. Scalia has spent his entire career protecting large companies from their terrible employees, who relentlessly harass the poor, defenseless Fortune 500 companies he represents. He protects the rights of CEOs to be free from petty complaints about things like being killed by whales, sexual harassment, workplace safety, health insurance, and discrimination.

Eugene Scalia will fight for the rights of companies to force disabled workers to shit themselves on the job. BECAUSE CORPORATIONS ARE PEOPLE, TOO.

Seriously. That is a real thing that happened. An office worker with irritable bowel syndrome sued Ford. And Scalia argued that, rather than the company allowing her to telecommute, she should just wear diapers and bring extra clothes for when she defecates on herself at the office. He made this argument not in 1962, but in 2015.

Lest you think Scalia only hates disabled people, don't worry -- they are in good company. He has also made it abundantly clear that he hates women.

In a 1998 article titled "The Strange Career of Quid Pro Quo Sexual Harassment," Scalia made an impassioned plea for white men everywhere to just be able to pressure their subordinates into sex.

One supervisor orders his assistant to accompany him on a business trip and gropes her on the plane, at dinner, and in the hotel. A second supervisor does the same and tells her that's what he did with her predecessors. … I believe the employer should not be liable in any of these scenarios unless it endorsed the conduct.

And he wrote this all, I guess, because he wants the world to know that he will fight to the death for your right to say "You're an incompetent stupid female bitch" at least once to employees under your supervision.

Scalia argued that going all Harvey Weinstein shouldn't actually count as sexual harassment, because it's "redundant and ambiguous in theory, and cumbersome and confusing in practice."

WELL I THINK A SCALIA SERVING IN A HIGH-RANKING GOVERNMENT OFFICE IS REDUNDANT AND AMBIGUOUS IN THEORY AND CUMBERSOME AND CONFUSING IN PRACTICE.

Unsurprisingly, Scalia has also written mean things about teh gays. And probably lots of other people who aren't straight, cis white men.

But don't worry ... things get weirder

Because this involves Trump, of course the evil Republican bullshit is only the beginning.

At a ceremony for Scalia in the Oval Office, Trump felt the need to ramble incoherently for a while about the whistleblower and talk about his wonderful and "perfect" conversation with Ukrainian President Zelenskiy. Because of course he fucking did.

Trump decries whistleblower complaint at Scalia swearing-in www.youtube.com

So that's just great and normal.

ONLY THE BEST PEOPLE.

This fuckin' timeline.

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Jamie Lynn Crofts
Jamie Lynn Crofts is sick of your bullshit. When she’s not wrangling cats, she’s probably writing about nerdy legal stuff, rocking out at karaoke, or tweeting about god knows what. Jamie would kindly like to remind everyone that it’s perfectly legal to tell Bob Murray to eat shit.
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