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He's with stupid


Oh Jeb. Oh Jeb. On a scale of Typical Jeb Facepalm to Sweet Holy Moses In Heaven What Even The HELL JEB!?, we are not sure where this ranks. But getting called a catastrophically dumb idiot by George "Most Dumbest Presidenter Ever" Bush may well require a whole new kind of math, for measuring the What Even The Hellness:

Over four grueling days, he ducked and dodged and dithered on the Iraq question, fumbling through five different non-answers until finally Dubya called up Jeb and told him to knock it off. ‘Stop it with this shit,’ the former president told his little brother. ‘Say whatever you have to say.'

This most recent unpolished turd blossom demonstrating the sucktasticosity that is Jeb's doomed presidential campaign comes to us courtesy of BuzzFeeder McKay Coppins, who wroted a book about how the Republican Party appears to be quite rage-fucked upside down and sideways, only he called it something nicer than that because No Haters.

We are shocked, and also not shocked, that even Dubya -- dumb as dog piss Dubya -- was shaking his head along with the rest of us while we watched Jeb fuck himself in his own butthole, as he tried and failed to answer the most obvious question none of his advisers (including his own dumb dick brother, apparently) realized he would of course be asked. Let us plagiarize ourselves, so that we may Never Forget the mushroom cloud that assploded over Jeb's pointy head:

Monday:

MEGYN KELLY: Knowing what we know now, would you have authorized the invasion [of Iraq]?

JEB BUSH: I would’ve, and so would’ve Hillary Clinton, just to remind everybody, and so would have almost everybody that was confronted with the intelligence they got.

Tuesday:

“I interpreted the question wrong, I guess. I was talking about given what people knew then, would you have done it? Rather than knowing what we know now. And knowing what we know now, clearly there were mistakes as it related to faulty intelligence in the lead up to the war and the lack of focus on security,” Bush told Hannity. “My brother’s admitted this. And we have to learn from that.”

Wednesday:

When I was governor, I got to, I felt it a duty … to call all of the family members of people who lost their lives … And I felt a duty to do that because I admired the sacrifice of their families, and I admired the men and women, mostly men, who made the ultimate sacrifice. So, going back in time and talking about hypothetical "what would have happened, what could have happened?", I think, does a disservice for them. What we oughta be focusing on is, what are the lessons learned?

Thursday:

We are well versed in the tales of family feuding and zero love lost between coked-up drunk loser "Gentleman's C" George and supposedly "the smart one" loser baby brother J-E-B Jeb. But gawd. Just when we were convinced it was physically UNPOSSIBLE to feel any more pity for the pathetic pitiful least-favorite son Jeb, now we know even his own brother, President World's Biggest Fuck-Up, was apparently so disgusted by his brother's pathetic dumbassery that he was driven to say a swear, probably for the first time ever, since he was also the president who was going to restore dignity and civility to the White House by not getting blowjobs or putting his feet on the desk. Or something.

And on this one thing only, Dubya's not even wrong. Heck, it almost makes us like the former Commander Guy a little bit. Just kidding, he is still a Bush, fuck him and his whole family forever.

[Salon]

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Aren't vacations nice? You turn off the computer and the Obamaphone, you get rest and relaxation, and if you are the president of the United States and you just declared a national emergency you openly admit you didn't need to declare, you go south to your Florida shithole castle, where everything is gold-plated and HAMBERDERS! It is a Good Thing, for a failed president who's accomplished nothing, and who is now trying to usurp Congress's power of the purse and steal money from the military in order to build WALL that literally nobody who matters thinks we need.

So yeah, fucker's been at Mar-a-Lago all weekend. Of COURSE he has.

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Presidential contender Kamala Harris held her first official campaign event in South Carolina, a key state in the upcoming Democratic primaries. Friday night, she spoke to a crowd of roughly 1,000 at a town hall at Royal Missionary Baptist Church in North Charleston. She reaffirmed her support for sensible gun safety laws, including universal background checks and closing the "Charleston loophole." She fielded questions from voters about how she'd address mass incarceration. Actual issues were discussed, but then she went and spoiled it all by doing something stupid like eating in public.

Harris filled her tummy with Lowcountry goodness at Rodney Scott's BBQ. Later her press secretary, Ian Sams, tweeted a photo of the senator adding a hefty dollop of Texas Pete to her collard greens because she's civilized. Some chose to interpret this as "pandering." Because some are literally killing us with this.

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