It's possible we are enjoying ourselves entirely too much as we watch the Republican Party eat itself alive, choke on its own bone, vomit up undigested chunks of itself, and slip-n-fall in its own sick. The orgasmic pleasure we derive is probably illegal in some states. Definitely illegal in North Carolina, thanks to its brand new law (YOU DICKS).

You're probably going to pleasure prison with us too, so pull up a chair and enjoy this latest with us. South Carolina's sad sack of squirrel meat Sen. Lindsey Graham, who should be on strict 24/7 suicide watch, dragged himself out of bed Thursday to further demonstrate his support for Ted Cruz, whose guts he hates and whose rotted corpse he would gladly stand over and laugh.

Poor Lindsey subjected himself to 10 minutes of non-stop humiliation on "Morning Joe," where they laughed and laughed and split their sides and slapped their knees and laughed some more about how much the senator hates Ted Cruz SOOOOO MUCH and yet is unenthusiastically, unwillingly "supporting" him.

"I'm on the Ted train," Graham said with the unadulterated joy of someone who announces he's heading to the dentist for a root canal. (Or, in Florida, a pap smear.)

Show us your best choo-choo, Lindsey:

I think he'd make a better president than Trump, for damn sure. And I think he'd take the country in a new direction other than Clinton.

You caught how he didn't say a better direction, right? Just checking.

Would he make the best president? No, I don't think so, of all the people running.

Man, with friends like that, huh?

Hey, senator, did you hear the thing Ted Cruz said after the terrorist attacks in Belgium about the Muslims and how he wants the po-po to keep a watchful eye on them extra special, here in America? What do you think about that, eh?

Well, I don't know what he means by that. If it means that we're gonna put surveillance on every Muslim in the country, that's a bad idea. If we're going to have a better relationship with the Muslim community to get better intelligence, that's different.

Yeah, you can tell even Lindsey knows that is some riDICulous wishful thinking and no, that's not what Cruz means at all, because here is the face Lindsey makes at the end of that sentence:

Come on, Lindsey, surely you can think of something nice to say about the guy you're telling people to elect as our next president. Think hard:

I think he's a Republican.

Harder than that, Lindsey, come ON.

I think he's conservative.

Really? You can't do any better than that?

I think Donald Trump is a con man. I think he would destroy the Republican Party. I have differences with Ted Cruz that are well known, but I think we share the same political DNA, and at the end of the day, I think he's a reliable Republican conservative and Mr. Trump is not. I think John Kasich would be the best nominee, but he doesn't have a chance.

Oh. Guess he really can't do any better. But since Lindsey's first choice -- after Lindsey and oh yeah after Jeb Bush so really, Lindsey's third choice -- doesn't have a chance, he at least believes fourth-choice Cruz can win in November, right? And isn't that what it's all about?

Here's my concern. We can lose in 2016, and we probably will. Trump gets wiped out, Ted makes it competitive. I don't know if he can beat her or not, but at least we got a fighting chance. If Trump is the standard bearer, it's not about 2016. It's about losing the heart and soul of the conservative movement. [...] So it's no longer about winning the election for me. It's trying to salvage a party that I love and conservatism as I know it.

There's the can-do spirit! Any parting words of encouragement for the Red Team, senator?

I wish I had more good news for you.

OK then.

[h/t TPM]


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