Everybody Hates Gross Trump Idiot Boris Epshteyn, Even Fox News!


Boris Epshteyn is one of the many people Donald Trump knows who was born in Russia. (Weird, right?) But instead of being some dude with his name in capital letters in a pee hooker spy dossier, he is actually all over your TV, all the freaking time, shilling for the Trump regime. You've noticed him, how obnoxious he is, how he comes off as a guy who has had human sexual intercourse only slightly more times than dead-eyed Trump asshole Stephen Miller. You may have even thought, huh, with that Russian name, wonder if he is part of the #Scandal, just hiding in plain sight! (He has LOTS of business ties in Russia, because of course he does!)

But then you forgot him, because he's forgettable.

Well, it turns out one group of people REALLY hates Epshteyn, who used to be just a lowly campaign surrogate, but who actually is an assistant to Trump now, coordinating TV appearances for the regime. The media hates him! But not just ANY media, or just the #FakeNews mainstream media -- it's literally across the board, from CNN to MSNBC, and even Fox News!

Politico has the story, and let's just start with why Fox hates him:

Epshteyn ... got in a yelling match with a Fox News booker after Hemmer pressed him for details of President Donald Trump’s controversial executive order cracking down on immigration from Muslim-majority countries — a topic he was not expecting to be grilled on.

“Am I someone you want to make angry?” Epshteyn told the booker, the sources said. When he threatened to pull White House officials from the network, the fed-up booker had had enough.

“Go right ahead,” the booker fired back, the sources said, aware that Epshteyn had no power to follow through on a threat that would have upended the administration’s relationship with a sympathetic news network.

Hahaha, they HATE him, but they knew his threats were flaccid. Sounds like a lot of Trump staffers!

Apparently Epshteyn, who was maybe raised in a Russian barn, is a total pig when it comes to Green Room Etiquette too. One time, he was backstage at CNN, and former New York City Council member Christine Quinn, a known lesbian, was there also. Young Boris, an icon of fashion and sexxxy maleness, did not like the fashion choices of ANOTHER lady present, and spoke up to register his discontent:

Why does she dress like that?” he said out loud, in front of multiple people, pointing to a woman with very short hair, wearing a loose-fitting pantsuit.

“Why do you dress like that?” Quinn, who is gay and a longtime LGBT rights activist, fired back. Epshteyn, Quinn said in an interview, appeared stunned by the reaction to his comment.

Awww, poor baby, did the mean lesbian bite you? As Politico notes, Epshteyn wears three-piece suits, and we are sure his mom tells him he looks very handsome in them, when she's sewing his name into the waistbands.

Another time in a CNN green room, Dumb Boris came in and spread his yuck body all over the couches for a little nappie, and then started yelling about the make-up people not making him beautiful for TV quickly enough. TYPICAL BORIS!

Now let's talk about why MSNBC hates Boris:

At a meeting with NBC executives, he aired his grievances against [MSNBC host Joy-Ann] Reid and MSNBC host Rachel Maddow. In the room, his jokes about how he enjoys appearing on television in part because of the free food fell flat, according to multiple sources in the meeting.

“He calls women girls, and he has no decorum about how he speaks to people,” said Reid. “He’s somebody that just makes the room uncomfortable. When he leaves the room, the conversation is, ‘I hope he never comes back.’ He enjoys making people uncomfortable.”

That's typical behavior for people who don't enjoy the ability to make friends. And just people who, in general, are boorish louts, the kind who faintly smell of whatever meat drippings have gotten tangled in their body hair that day.

But just kidding, Boris Epshteyn DOES have a friend! His name is Eric Trump, the younger, creepier adult Trump spawn! They met at Georgetown! We bet they had many wild college exploits, talking about the girls they ALMOST got to finger!

Oh, and according to Politico, one time he told the head of the New York Democratic Party, TO HIS FACE, that because he was the child of Jamaican immigrants, he probably only got where he is because of affirmative action, unlike Russians in the Trump administration, who get whatever they want, because ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

At least we assume that's why Epshteyn got his job. It ain't 'cause he's pretty or nothin'.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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