Everybody Hitting 'OH SHIT!' Button To Protect Robert Mueller Right Now, But WHY THOUGH?

One of the continuing threads in the Robert Mueller investigation has been the thing where Democrats are like "We must protect the Robert Mueller investigation!" and Republicans, at least in the Senate, are like "We definitely should do that some day!" and Democrats are like "How about we pass a bill that says that?" and Republicans are like "WHAT ARE BILLS? BRB MY CAT IS GIVING ME A BACK RUB WITH HIS GENTLE PAWS."

GOP senators say the right words, and two of them (Thom Tillis and Lindsey Graham) have co-sponsored bills to subject any firing of Mueller to judicial review, but the bills haven't gone anywhere. Meanwhile, Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein has testified to Congress that he would refuse an order to fire Mueller if he didn't believe there was good cause. At this point, those have been the only guardrails holding off a Constitutional crisis if one of these days Donald Trump makes a turd that looks like Fox News's eighth biggest star Jeanine Pirro and it speaks to him and tells him to order Mueller's firing during a particularly stressful Executive Time.

But suddenly, late on Tuesday, two things happened that suggest people in the Senate are worried. Senator Richard Blumenthal released letters fired off by nine Senate Judiciary Democrats to the next five people in the Department of Justice's line of succession, asking them to publicly say they will not piss all over America by obeying an unlawful order to fire Robert Mueller. Attorney General Jeff Sessions is recused (although he was happy as a pig in shit to violate his recusal when he fired former FBI deputy director Andrew McCabe), and, again, Rosenstein has already made a public statement to that effect.

The letters are dated March 7, but have just now been released, perhaps because the senators haven't gotten a response. The recipients of the letter are, in order of line of succession:

  • Noel Francisco, solicitor general
  • Steven Engel, assistant attorney general for the Office of Legal Counsel
  • John Demers, assistant attorney general for the National Security Division
  • Robert Higdon, US attorney for the Eastern District of North Carolina
  • Erin Nealy Cox, US attorney for the Northern District of Texas

There you have it, America! Those are the finalists for the new American reality TV show, "WHICH ONE OF YOU IS THE FUCKING DICK WHO WANTS TO DO THE SATURDAY NIGHT MASSACRE FOR TRUMP?"

The letter goes through the litany of Donald Trump's justice-obstructing moves of late, as well as his justice-obstructing moves last summer, when he tried to fire Robert Mueller the first time, but White House counsel Don McGahn threatened to resign (because Don McGahn is the GOODEST BOY) rather than call the DOJ and order the firing, so Mueller didn't get fired.

Here's the meaty part:

You fall in the line of succession at the Department of Justice if Deputy Attorney General Rosenstein were to either resign or be removed. We write to request that you provide a written and public commitment that you will not interfere in the Special Counsel's investigation into Russian meddling in the 2016 elections, possible collusion with such meddling by the Trump campaign, efforts to obstruct justice, and any related inquiry. As such, we ask that you publicly commit to refuse any order or request -- whether express or implied -- to interfere in the Special Counsel's investigation, including but not limited to firing Mr. Mueller, cutting off funding or resources, limiting staffing, or inhibiting his ability to follow the facts wherever they may lead and hold those accountable who may have broken the law.

In essence, the senators need a promise that these people will HANDS FUCKING OFF when it comes to the Mueller investigation. They don't want to end up like that jizz trumpet Robert Bork, do they? Because they will end up just like that jizz trumpet Robert Bork if they decide to be the one who caved to a criminal president in Watergate 2: Bigger, Longer And Stupider. Know who's on the Supreme Court right now? Little friend of mine named NOT ROBERT BORK!

The release of the Blumenthal letters coincided with a #HistoryFacts lesson Blumenthal and historian Rick Perlstein wrote for Slate, retelling the history of the Saturday Night Massacre, and exhorting the DOJ not to let that awful history repeat itself. Read it, if you need to brush up!

Also on Tuesday, Senators Thom Tillis and Chris Coons, who introduced one of the bipartisan bills to protect Mueller, suddenly released a statement telling Trump to HANDS FUCKING OFF of Mueller. Is their bill going to move on the Senate floor? Um LOL dunno, but anyway, here is a STATEMENT:

Why did all this happen on Tuesday? Because it sure does seem coordinated!

One thing pundits and regular Wonkettes have noticed is that Trump has been BIZARRELY silent this week. (He's on his FIFTH DAY without any public events.) Maybe it's just because he's too scared to speak, lest he say something stupid about boning Stormy Daniels.

But maybe also it's that he has no legal team to speak of, now that John Dowd has quit, Joe diGenova, the Alex Jones version of the My Pillow guy, was like "Naw dude, I got the CONFLICTS," and even lawyers in Chicago are telling him to fuck off. Meanwhile Don McGahn reportedly wants to go ahead and GTFO of the White House. Maybe Trump is feeling free as the world's stupidest bird, and he's in the mood to try to fire Robert Mueller. Maybe these senators have heard stuff we haven't. (More indictments a-comin'? SAY IT'S SO!)

Regardless, they're hitting this OH SHIT button for some reason. We say this a lot, but be ready to take to the streets when President Dumpster Grundle gets itchy and pulls the trigger.

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[DOJ letter]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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